Some people mention that good grade getting good grades is the main purpose (purpose of WHAT?) and the most important to students. Of course it is crucial for students, however, in my opinion, studnets should study and take high and difficult level of calss. (grades 가 어떻든간에, 라고 써주셔야 주제와 의미가 같아질것 같아요^^) Taking high and diffrcult level of class can help students find their job. (find job 하기 때문에...? convince 되지 않습니다..! 자기 수준에 맞는 class 를 듣는것이 find job 하는데에 좀더 쉽지 않을까요..? 같은 주장이라도 다르게 표현해주세요~^^ 더 이해하기 쉽도록!) And I belive that students more concentrate can concentrate more on learning rather than grade. (taking difficult classes 가 motivates students to concentrate more ~ )
First, if you take difficult class a high level education although the process is very difficult, it would be helpful for your future career. (짧게 taking difficult classes 가 may be helpful for your ~ 이렇게 한문장으로 써주세요^^. process 가 difficult 하다는 말은 difficult class 에 이미 implied 되어있는 의미니까 따로 써주실 필요 없습니다^^) Many companies would want to employ hire people with such profound who have a variety of and deep knowledge. In the same reanson, many students go to universtiy where they can get high levle education and get ready for their future career. (prepare 한다는것이 좋겠네요^^) For example, according to a research by the Seoul National University, students who graduated university have more good get the better jobs than ones who did not complete further education. graduated high school. It means tthat although going to university and taking high level class is difficult, it is good for students eventually.
(표현이 얼마나 relevant 한지.. 잘 모르겠어요..^^ success 를 mention 하실거면 taking easier class 가 ""어떤 면에서"" success 에 안좋은지도 써주셔야죠..! ^^
그리고.. difficult class 를 들으면 lower grades 를 받을수 있는데 그게 왜, 어떤면에서 success 를 derive 할수있는지..?^^ grades에 관한 주장이나 설명을 하나도 안적어주셨는데, difficult class 뿐만 아니라 grades 또한 main point 이기 때문에 grades 도 mention 해주셔야합니다^^.
이런 경우에는 예제도 자기 경험이나 타인의 경험, 아니면 알려진 사례 등을 드는것이 더 좋을것같아요.
또, lower grades 를 받는것에 대해서 설명이 부족하다.. 싶을땐 반대로, easier class 를 듣고 better grades 를 받았는데도, 나중에 어떤 나쁜점을 face 했었는지에 대해서 설명해주면 좋을것같아요^^
그런데, 이렇게 반대 입장에서 설명을 할때 자칫하면 글쓴이의 main 주장을 반대로 착각할수 있으니, 너무 반대 입장에 치우치면 안돼요~^^)
Second, grade is only a number. (그래서 so what? 본론의 첫 문장은 주장을 가장 effective 하게 표현해야 합니다. 숫자에 불과하기 때문에 difficult class 랑 easier class 를 듣는것이 뭐가 좋고 어떻게 다른지..? 써주셔야죠!) Of course, it can be a main material to evaluate a student. (가장 effective 하고 accurate 한 criterium to evaluate students.) However, it is only one among very lots of many factors. If students try to have maintain good grades, they would obtain real kowledge through class. (당연한 문장..? 없어도 될것같아요^^) They may study only contents that are expected to be on will appear in the exam only. And I think that the main purpose of students (purpose of students?... purpose of a person? .. 말이 안되죠..! 학생의 goal 이 더 좋을것같네요) is learning not getting good grade. (learning 뒤에 콤마 찍어주셔야죠^^) When I a student in university, was a university student, my a friend min woo took only easy classes in oder to he did not want to study harder. (, because he did not want to study harder.) After he graduated, graduating, working jobplace, (he got a job? 갑자기 working jobplace, 가 나왔네요... after he graduated 를 꾸미는 말도 아니고..!) he regreted his action (his decision) because he have no knowledge (he is not so familliar with~) about his career. If you study comfortabley, you would have hard time later.
Consequently, it is better for students to take high and difficult level of difficult class, though they can not (띄어쓰기 하지않습니다~) get good grades. This is because that students can get ready for ther future career by taking a the high level classe. And having getting good grades is not the main purpose of students.
(purpose of students 쓰지 마세요~!! 문법상 말이 안되고, 별로 중요하지 않은 표현같습니다~^^
그리고, and, but, so 등으로 문장 시작하지 않는다는것 꼭 기억하셔야해요~!
전체적으로 bold 부분이 꽤 있는데, 작은 문법실수나 스펠링 실수 주의하세요!!) |