▶ Your Answer :
Is it better for young people to select a job in the same field as their parents than to choose a different career for themselves? (인트로 시작을 의문형으로 시작하면 안됩니다) Some people might agree with this statement for various reasons. However, I believe that people should carefully think about other factors than their parents’ jobs before choosing their career. Therefore, I disagree with the statement select jobs different from parents for the following two subsequent reasons. .
To begin with, young people should firstly consider their talents when they choose a job. To be become successful in a job career, one should have enough talents related to his or her field. Without talents, he or she would fail in his or her field (좀 더 이유에 대한 구체적 설명을 하고 난 후에 예시로 넘어가시길 바랍니다). For example, my mother’s job was a physician. She wanted my younger brother to be a physician, too. However, he was not good at subjects like mathematics and science, which are very important subjects for a physician. On the other hand, he had a special talent for arts and he finally decided to apply to design school. If he chose to go to medical school simply because his mother was a doctor, he would have been failed to complete extensive coursework needed for graduation not have completed his diploma for the graduation.
Moreover, lucrative also plays a significant role when deciding a job. Whether a job is profitable or not changes over time (이 부분을 통하여서 하고자 하는 말이 무엇인가요?). In other words, once a lucrative job can be a waste of money in the future. For instance, most parents in Korea want their children to be a doctor because this profession allows them high incomes. However, many scientists expect that some day the artificial intelligence would supplant nearly all of the work of a human doctor. If this case holds true, a doctor would be an unpromising job in the future. This example clearly shows that one should carefully consider a job’s lucrativity in the future to be successful in his or her career.
In conclusion, if one wants to choose a job, he or she should think about both his or her talents and a job’s lucrative. For this reason, I oppose to the statement that following one’s parents’ professions would be surely beneficial to him or her.
점수: 22 각 단락이 서로 문제를 가지고 있는 독립형 에세이입니다. 첫 번째 단락 같은 경우에 있어서는 이유에 대한 구체적 설명이 너무 빈약합니다. 예시에 너무 중점을 두는 거 같습니다. 따라서 예시 보다는 이유에 좀 더 중점을 두시길 바랍니다. 두 번째 단락 같은 경우에 있어서는 이유가 주제를 벗어났습니다. 이유를 선정할 때에 항상 주제와 고려해서 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셧습니다. |