▶ Your Answer : An intriguing
topic of discussion at hand is whether students can learn more effectively
through the internet or not. It may seem
true that internet is not helpful for learning of students; however, with
in-depth analysis the statement seems too far-fetched to learn, but with in depth analysis the statement seems too far fetched. People may hold different ideas and opinions,
but I personally support this idea presented in the question on account of two
reasons: there are many information on online and students can easily take
advantage of internet for their education.
First of all,
there are whole bunch of information on online. a plethora of information can be found on online (bunch of는 너무 구어체 입니다) To specific, students can learn whatever they want with the help of the
internet because websites have all kinds of encyclopedias, dictionaries,
expertise knowledge including our health, education, cultures, sports, games,
and so on and games. For instance when I was as a
student of high school high school student, I studied Bible through the information on online and I
found that there was overflowed information about the bible study. That experience leads me to decide a pastor
who teaches the Bible in church.
On top of this,
you can easily access and take advantage of internet for student’s learning students learning can be improved (독립형 에세이에서는 you를 서술하면 안됩니다). If students get help from internet, they can
save a lot of money and time than going to public or school libraries. This is because they People (this is because는 적절하지 않는 표현 입니다) use the internet with
mouse on their right hand and click button and that is all. A study of institution of Seoul international
education has announced that all elementary schools have to encourage students
to learn what they want with the help of the internet This way will lead their education more
progressively and effectively because they can conveniently get knowledge by using
internet. Therefore, considering the
fact that students learn with the help of internet leads great development for
our nation’s next generation.
To put this in a
nutshell, although whether students can learn more effectively with the help
of the internet or not, it seems reasonable to claim that with the help of internet, students can learn more effectively because of two
reasons discussed in this essay.
점수: 22 일단 이 에세이를 읽으면서 느낀 것은 첫 번째 이유나 두 번째 이유 모두 겹칩니다. 서로 똑같은 이유를 가지고 다른 표현으로 에세이를 서술하고 있는 거 같은 느낌이 듭니다. 이러한 부분은 좋지 않습니다 좀 더 설득력 있게 서로 다른 이유로 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 또한 어색한 표현들이 있으니 제가 지적한 부분들을 숙지하면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |