It is evident that in our society, the role of parents has a tremendous importance. (In where?) Some people think that good parents should spend most of their time helping their children's school work while others do not believe this way. However, I believe that it is better for children when that their parents spend their time playing game or sports with them. There are several reasons to support my argument. So, I will limit to the two the most relevant to the topic: the concept of relationship and health.
First of all, the most important reason for my thinking this way is that parents can teach their children how to make a relationship with others by playing games or sports together. Commonly in society, a person who have a good relationship with others tends to succeed in life. Playing games or sports usually involves in activities of making relationship with others, so it should be encouraged. Take my friend, Ki-sub, for example, his father, who is a big fan of tennis, spend his most of his time teaching tennis to Ki-sub and playing with him. Now, thanks to his father, he could have many different kinds of friends and acquaintances because he participated in a tennis club in the village as a vice president of the club. The relationship in the club led him to easily obtain his part time job, because one of acquaintances in the tennis club suggested Ki-sub to work with him. If Ki-sub's father had not played tennis with him, Ki-sub would not have been able to get the part time job that easily.
Another reason why I think this way is that playing games or sports help children to be healthy. In particular, outside sports such as running or tennis are good for health. I believe that health is the most important value for children because without healthy body, children cannot do anything. I believe that parents should play an important role for children to learn at least one sport as their hobby. Many doctors say that children who do not exercise tend to obtain an obesity and illness. This reminds me of the time when I worked out with my father after I took my Korean SAT (national university entrance exam). He just wanted me to go to the gym where I worked out, so I just followed him and we worked out together every evening/morning. I made my healthy and I could This greatly helped me to gain some of my muscles and to be healthy. Without my father's suggestion, I could not have gained such muscles.
In conclusion, I believe that parents need to invest their time for playing games or sports with their children for reasons such as relationship and health. All things considered, with the reasons mentioned above, I believe that I have sufficiently and adequately explained my position on the matters regarding the topic.
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채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence |
점수 | 3 | 4 | 3 | 3 |
Score | Fair 17-20 | - part time job보다는 보다 성공적이거나 장점이 두드러지는 사례를 제시해주시면 좋을 것 같아요. - 그래머에서 minor한 실수가 다소 있는 편이에요.
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