▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that attending
a small celebration with a few closer friends
and family members is better than attending a large party with many people.
They probably think it helps to get personal and deep conversations. However,
contrary to this idea, I firmly believe that joining in a large party is much
better because it is more fun and exciting, and it helps to broaden the
perspectives.
To begin with, playing with a lot of people is very fun and exciting. This
is because there are a lot of games and sports that need many people, so in a
big party, people can experience a special time
that in a small party, we never experience. For example, when I was a freshman
in the university, I went to Jeju island with college friends that I knew
got to know just recently. At the first time, we were so awkward that we just saw
each own our cell phone for a long time.
However, later while drinking, we played a lot of group games like Blue marble
and it was really fun. And then, we became very close. If we had been a small
group, we would not have had the chance to play
group games and have an interesting time. (대학친구 몇 명끼리 갔는지 명시하세요.)
On top of that, in a large party, we can interact with diverse people from
different backgrounds. Thus, we can widen out our social network and even
become more open-minded. According to a study conducted in Korea university,
the study has shown that people in the university clubs have about 30 more friends than ones that do not join
in the clubs. The researchers also said
that people in the clubs are more
interested with various topics. (문단 길이가 너무 짧습니다. 더 많은 근거 및 디테일을 추가하세요)
To sum up, in a large
party, people can have funny a great time
and broaden their perspectives. In this regard,
without any hesitation, I firmly suggest that it is better to attend a big
party with many people.
Writing
0-30 Score Scale |
Good (24-30) |
Score |
24 |
Overall
Comment: |
포인트는 잘 잡으셨어요. 다만 글이
전체적으로 설득력이 조금 부족합니다. 특히 본문 두 번째 문단은 너무 짧습니다. 문법 오류들도 있으니 위 지적사항들을 참고하시길 바래요. |
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