While a majority of people take it for
granted that it's more desirable for scientists who have played significant
roles in the enhancement of science with famous invenitons
inventions need to be responsible for the
consequences made by their products, however, (이미 위에 ‘while’을 적으셔서 however은 생략하세요) some people, including me, have the utmost confidence to demonstrate that
inventers must shoulder the responsibility for
those well-known findings. In this vein, I totally disagree with the
following statement; (following이 아니라 above가 맞습니다) there exists roughly two reasons and direct or indirect
experiences to support my perspective in many aspects.
To begin with, the discoveries produced by scientists have a huge
possibility to cause a drastic climate
changes, no matter how fluorescent those inventions seem to be. Their pieces of
new works, ranging from cars to factories, disperse a great deal of gases. This
sort of gas is likely be spread out across the globe, generating an
unexpected disadvantage for peoples ' lives,
such as global warming. For example, recently,
in the city of Seoul, the capital of a country, was driven by a range of
harmful chemicals. (위 문장에 comma가 너무 많습니다) The highly increased
number of factories made by scientists in order for the amelioration of the
society was the primary factor of this harsh surrounding. Unlike peoples'
expectation, scientists did not have any solutions for coping with the
problems; they had no choice but to get out of
that situation. As time went by, the amount of dust on the air commenced to be
piled up quickly. Unfortunately, the temperature was raised up in the blink of
an eye, letting citizens felt confused a lot. If not for the establishments of
the factories, people lived who lived in
that area would not have been left to be out of the blue.
In addition, scientists should be required to be responsible for the
damage originating from their findings, in that
they kill numerous people. Plenty of their findings, encompassing guns, tanks,
or even nuclear weapons make it too easy to be used during the periods of
wartimes. The catastrophic outcome of the massacre of innocent civilians is
mainly precipitated through the utilization of those sources that came into the
world by scientists. For instance, Alfred Nobel invented nuclear weapons in the
era of 20th century. the
original purpose of the invention was to protect his country from the
intrusions of other countries, but this goal became far-fetched owing to a
thief who stolen it. After the incident happened, the country that the
thief belonged employeed employed it in
many wars, killing an astounding number of citizens. Thanks to this tendency,
Alfred introduced stronger and more potent weapons so as to get victory in the
wars. As a result, none of them stopped yearning for getting weapons, causing a
myriad of victims died to die out.
All things
considered, I strongly believe that scientists should be blamed for negative
effects that tag along with their discoveries for the reasons I have mentioned above. All in all, the importance of taking
responsibility for mistakes cannot be underestimated to avoid repeating the
same mistakes.
Writing
0-30 Score Scale |
Good (24-30) |
Score |
27 |
Overall
Comment: |
결정적인 문법 오류가 몇 가지
있었지만, 전체적으로 매우 논리적 그리고 설득력이 있게 잘 쓰셨습니다. 짜임새가 매우 좋았어요. 위 지적사항들을 참고하세요. |
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