Facing challenges and overcoming them are what makes life fascinating. In order to mingle integrate with others and get to know oneself from the interaction with others, people are often encouraged to participate in diverse activities as possible. Even teenagers getting a part-time job while they are still in school may have some advantages from working and from earning money. They may also learn how to be benign towards others in that are of different age group. Nevertheless, teenagers have a duty as students who have to, that are often students, need to concentrate on their studies. Also, they are still considered young to make reasonable decisions.
First, most teenagers are students that must devote their time and energy to their studies. Although experiencing social challenges through getting a part time job may teach them significant life lessons, I believe that studying should be their primary prime goal. This is poarty the reason why many countries including South Korea decided that the teenagers should until the age of 15 to attend the school mandatorily and are eligible to take permitted free education until 15. Teenagers at their young age should have their time dedicated to studying and not for working getting part - time jobs.
Second, these teenagers are still too young to make careful decisions. Teenagers may not be able to discern appropriate part-time jobs and may be engaged in unlawful activities to earn money. Encouraging teenagers to get a part-time job will inevitably lead some of them to be engaged in illegal activities related to theft, and prostitutes. As a society, It is more critical for society to prevent young teenagers being involved in these activities by eliminating any possibilities of teenagers approaching these activities.
Lastly, getting a part-time job permits people to increase their sense of responsibility and also to feel a sense of achievement from their work. However, the greatest concern is who would the job. (What does it mean?) As an agreed on knoweldge, young people with a status of a students should be more involved in studying and not earning money because they are still too young to make reasonable decisions and their time should be spent on school materials.
채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence | 점수 | 2 | 3 | 2 | 3 | Score | Fair 16-18 | - 두 번째 illegal activity에 참여할 수 있다는 포인트는 좋은 편이에요. - 어색한 표현, (ex)who would the job, Intro) 이나, 스펠링 에러에 더욱 신경 써 주세요. - 첫 번째는 근거가, 세 번째는 주장과 근거 모두가 미약한 편이에요.
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