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Recently, there are a variety of papers or studies on effects of behavior of children owing to the certain program on the mass media. It is very clear that television and movies are one of the most powerful media to have a great influence on the behavior of children. However, there are still a lot of opinions and disputes concerning the specific effects of those media. Although many people might have the strong thoughts or opinions that the certain media like television, movies are normally harmful for children’s personality and behavior, but in this essay, the positive and beneficial effects of the media for both development and behaviors of children will be discussed.
First of all, there are some reasonable factors that those media are able to be beneficial for the behavior of the children childern. when it comes to their usages for education, there is no compatible things around us. The useful information and high quality programs in the certain media could not only make our childern children inspired to a large extent but also help them to have a marvelous and constructive habit on their studies. For example, there were two of very famous programs called ‘the masterpiece of the nature’ and “forgotten kingdom in the East Asia’ in the a certain television program more than 10 years ago. One of my cousins started to have an interest for the science especially, for the biology due to the first program, and eventually, he could enroll into the university he had dreamed last year. In my case, I have been interested in history and culture of East Asia after I had a sufficient time to enjoy the second one. Moreover, It is also well-known that the certain media seems to have a therapeutic effect for the people. Therefore, it is possible to adapt to the change of the behaviors for the children. On condition that the children would get accustomed to control themselves to manipulate the benefits of the media, we generally have enough possibilities to anticipate the splendid synergy from their next step in view of its function of remedy. For instance, one of my colleagues' children seemed to have peculiar habits or serious symptoms to hardly focus on his lesson and even in a conversation with his friends. But after his parents tried to change his behavior using the media therapy like watching several impressive dramas and parts of inspiring movies. Surprisingly, he did not only rapidly change his attitude for the class but also started to have an interest for the communication with his classmates. It could be one of the most apparent reasons why we should focus on the media’s positive effect. In conclusion, the certain media seems to have a great influence on the behaviors of the children positively when it could be successfully adapted and precisely controlled for the children, and the positiveness of the media would drastically increase if we will have more affections concerning our children than the past time.
예상 점수: 21-24 총평: 접속사와 관련된 오류가 글에 많이 있습니다. although라는 부정문으로 시작하는 문장에 but이라는 부정문을 또 추가하시면 double negative으로 글이 난해해지기 때문에 가급적이면 자제해주시기 바랍니다. 또 기본적인 철자 오류도 글 전체에 많은데 children 철자 숙지해주셨으면 합니다. 또 나머지는 시제와 idiom적인 문제들입니다. 내용은 무난하게 잘 서술해주셨네요. 수고 많으셨습니다.
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