▶ Your Answer : It is evident that in our society, transportation has a tremendous importance in our lives. Some people think that cars have made a greater impact on society than airplanes, while others do not. I, however, believe that airplanes have made a greater impact on our society than cars. There are several reasons to support my argument. So, I will limit to the two the most relevant to the topic: the concept of connectivity and speed. >space First of all, the most important reason for my thinking this way is that airplanes make connections between cities that are far from each other. Some cities in islands were isolated and disconnected before the invention of the planes. Take Australia for example. Even though it was discovered by European people very long time ago, at that time it was really hard for the Europeans to visit Australia because there was were no transportations other than ships. As you know, it takes a couple of months by ships. Also, hurricanes and typhoons on the path were dangerous. After the invention of the planes, now European people can visit Australia easily and safely in a relatively short time. They can enjoy the wonderful scenery sceneries in Sydney, Melbourne, and Brisbane with Koalas thanks to the planes. Without Wright brothers’ invention, most of the European people would never visit Australia in their life. >space Another reason why I think this way is that airplane is one of the most fast transportation systems. 비행기가 빠르기 때문이 아니라 사람들의 시간 절약과 가치 있는 시간 사용에 큰 영향을 미쳤다고 정리하는 게 더 적절할 것 같아요. Speed is considered very important in modern societies. When I was young, I lived in Daegu. In order to visit Seoul, it usually takes more than five hours by car. In particular, during the Lunar New Year’s Day, it takes more than eight hours due to the traffic jams. However, by plane, it only takes 40 minutes. Even though it was a little bit expensive, I bought a plane ticket a few years ago during the holiday season. The the plane saved my time around by almost four hours. I could spend the four hours enjoying the holiday with my family. If there had been were no planes, I would have suffered suffer from the severe traffic jam. I think that the plane gave me more happiness, which is an important value in our lives. >space All things considered, with the reasons mentioned above, I believe that I have sufficiently and adequately explained my position on the matters regarding the topic.
Comment : 주제에 맞게 주장과 설명을 잘 생각해주신 것 같아요. 각 본론의 요지를 더 잘 보여줄 수 있도록 정돈하고 오탈자나 불필요한 내용을 정돈해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 대체로 논리를 잘 풀어주셨습니다. 수고 많으셨습니다~! Independent Writing Rubrics Score 4/5 An essay at this level largely accomplishes all of the following : - Addresses the topic and task well, though some points may not be fully elaborated (문제의 요구사항을 대부분 잘 해결함) - Is generally well organized and well developed, using appropriate and sufficient explanations, exemplifications and/or details (적절하고 충분한 설명과 예시를 사용하며 대체로 글의 구성과 전개방식이 양호함) - Displays unity, progression and coherence, though it may contain occasional redundancy, digression, or unclear connections (중복된 내용이나 관련 없는 내용, 불분명한 연결이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 드러남) - Displays facility in the use of language, demonstrating syntactic variety and range of vocabulary, though it will probably have occasional noticeable minor errors in structure, word form or use of idiomatic language that do not interfere with meaning (글의 의미를 손상시키지 않는 범위 내에서 사소한 문장구조, 단어 형태 오류를 보일 수 있으나, 전반적으로 어휘・통사적 다양성을 갖춘 유창한 언어 사용을 보임)
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