▶ Your Answer :Some people believe that wearing a uniform at school or work can
discourage creative thinking. There are obviously many opinions regarding this
topic, but it is clear that a company of school should regulate what people
wear. The concept of motivation and health clearly show this theme.
First of all, wearing a uniform can increase one’s motivation in
life. This is mainly because students and workers will feel a sense of
belonging and can spend more time on their work. This can be a facilitator which
motivates them to improve themselves. They will make more effort, concentrate
more and feel more responsible for what they do. This can bring about better
outcome at work or school. For example, my brother, a high school student, used
to be a negligent and lost interest in his studies. However, since he started to
wear a school uniform, he has changed little by little. He started to spend
more time studying and had enthusiasm for learning. The reason was that my
brother did not take care of wearing anymore and felt a sense of belonging at
his school.
In addition, clothing regulation is good for people’ health. This is
due do the fact that if there are no regulation to wear, people will worry
about what to wear every morning and feel burdensome to buy new clothes. This situation
will stress them out. In fact, stress is one of the primary factors of
illnesses because it weakens the ability of the immune system in fighting for
diseases. For example, my uncle, a doctor at a general hospital in a city, tells
me that many of his patients suffer adverse health effects from stress. They
come to him for stress-related ailments and disorders. He has found the
relationship between stress and human diseases such as headaches, high blood
pressure and insomnia. In this sense, it is healthful for people to wear
uniform at workplace or school.
In conclusion, without any doubt, I firmly believe that a uniform is
necessary in the workplace or school. The example of motivation and health support
the argument.
Good: 24~30 점수: 27 지적할 부분이 없는 독립형 에세이입니다. 이 에세이에서 칭찬하고 싶은 부분이 두 가지가 있습니다. 먼저 첫 번째는 이해하기 쉽게 구조적으로 아주 편하게 에세이를 서술하였습니다. 어떤 부분이 인트로고 어떤 부분이 설명하는 부분인지를 명확하게 잘 서술한 거 같습니다. 두 번재는 간결한 예시와 구체적인 설명을 통해 이 에세이가 무엇을 말하려고 하는 것인지를 쉽게 파악 할 수 잇게 되었습니다. 잘 서술하였습니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |