▶ Your Answer : Some people may take it for
granted that it is more favorable for people to watch the performances at theaters
or stadiums since there are more elements that are is not likely to be caught catch on the
television such as feeling of the atmosphere. However, I am strongly convinced that
attending watching the performances on television entails more benefits. In this vein, I
totally disagree with the statement that attending a live event is more
enjoyable. There two reasons to support my perspective.
To begin with, watching television at home is the
most comfortable moment in daily routine, also TV is the most convenient way to
enjoy the performances. Attending a live performance itself might be more
enjoyable, but however, there are a the number of factors which can ruin the amusement
since there are some rules to follow. For example, crowded crowed time before and after
entering the theater is definitely not pleasant. rule에 대한 이야기를 했는데 붐비는 시간대가 불편하다는 설명은 rule과 관련이 없으므로 흐름이 어색합니다. I always waste time to get to the theater there
early, and stay little longer to avoid the congestion. Moreover, to go to the
washroom or have snacks, you have to wait until the break brake time. On the other
hand, you can go to washroom or eat snacks whenever you want at home, and no chance
to get stress in a crowded place with people as well.
In addition, people who sit around you may disturb during the
performance. There are various chances which bug you such as kicking on the
backside of the seat, flashing your face in dark with their the cell phone when other people they check their the text message, and wining noise by children. There is a perfect example experience on
my own. I attended a classic opera during the trip in Italy, it was quite quiet
expensive but I wanted to see the live performance. listen them live. One of the children, however, started
complaining to the parents that performance was is boring to him, and never stopped
until the show ended. He sat right next to me, therefore, and I could hear every
single words he said. I gave his parents notice by watching them for a while awhile,
but they could not handle their kid. Eventually, I got lots of stress in that
situation and could not remember the performance well since I mostly focused on
the situation with the kid.
In
brief, I firmly believe that watching the shows on the television has more
benefits to enjoy the performance than attending it at theaters or stadiums as
I mentioned above.
Comment : 주제에 맞게 내용을 잘 설명해주셨어요. 구체적인 내용들을 잘 연결해주신 것이 좋습니다. 공연 등을 잘 감상하려면 이러이러한 점이 중요한데, 밖에서 볼 때 이런 점들이 불편하다, 하는 식으로 전제 사항을 함께 연결하면 설득력을 더 높일 수 있으니 참고해주세요. 어색한 문장 연결이나 문법오류 꼼꼼하게 체크해주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Independent Writing Rubrics Score 3/5 An essay at this level is marked by one or more of the following : - Addresses the topic and task using somewhat developed explanations, exemplifications and/or details (일정 수준의 설명과 예시를 활용하여 문제의 요구사항을 해결함) - Displays unity, progression and coherence, though connection of ideas may be occasionally obscured (문맥이 모호한 부분들이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 어느 정도 드러남) - May demonstrate inconsistent facility in sentence formation and word choice that may result in lack of clarity and occasionally obscure meaning (문장의 구성 또는 어휘의 선택에서 내용의 명확성이 떨어지거나 의미 전달이 불분명한 부분들이 있음) - May display accurate but limited range of syntactic structures and vocabulary (답안의 내용은 주제에 부합하지만 제한된 문장구조나 어휘를 사용함) |