■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer |
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▶ Topic : | A job that gives you lots of vacation time is better than a job that gives you a higher salary and not much free time.
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Some people think that getting a higher income is better than having a lot of free time in the workplace. However, I have a different idea. First of all, when they have a proper spare time, they can increase work-efficiency. Secondly, the high salary does not guarantee success in life.
To begin with, having a proper amount of break time can have a positive influence on people's their work. Many workers are often tired due to the repetition of the same task. Accumulation of stress negatively affects the body and mental health leading decrease of workability. For example, according to research from the University of Maryland, the people who had more free time tended to feel less amount of stress, also showed 80% of higher abilities in concentration on their work. Moreover, they had less absence from work absent because of illness.
On top of that, people they can live a happy life when they enjoy a free time. Since there are a lot of different values depending on the individual, earning much of money could not ensure happiness. By using free time, people They can get a valuable memory without plentiful money. For instance, the free time allows allowed people to focus on their own interests even when they have had short-income. Some pPeople can enjoy a hobby, someone has interests in and have social interaction with their family or friends. However, if they could not have time to spend money freely, they could not satisfy their own happiness even they earned a lot of income.
To sum up, allowing workers to have free time helps working effectively and makes them happier. In this regard, I agree with that the spare time is necessary for the worker. 쉬는 시간이 필수적인지 묻는 문제가 아니라 직업 선택에 있어서 높은 봉급과 많은 연휴 중에 어떤 것이 더 중요한지 묻는 내용이므로 주제에 맞춰서 주장을 정리해주세요.
Comment :
스트레스 해소로 업무 효율을 높일 수 있다는 설명이나 행복도의 측면에서 주장을 풀어낸 것은 아주 좋지만, 내용을 더 구체적으로 설명해주셨으면 하는 아쉬움이 있습니다. 설명과 사례를 더 구체화해서 내용을 만들어주시고, 시제와 수량 표현, 주술호응 관련한 문법오류도 꼼꼼하게 봐주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Independent Writing Rubrics Score 2.5/5
An essay at this level is marked by one or more of the following :
- Addresses the topic and task using somewhat developed explanations, exemplifications and/or details
(일정 수준의 설명과 예시를 활용하여 문제의 요구사항을 해결함)
- Displays unity, progression and coherence, though connection of ideas may be occasionally obscured
(문맥이 모호한 부분들이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 어느 정도 드러남)
- May demonstrate inconsistent facility in sentence formation and word choice that may result in lack of clarity and occasionally obscure meaning
(문장의 구성 또는 어휘의 선택에서 내용의 명확성이 떨어지거나 의미 전달이 불분명한 부분들이 있음)
- May display accurate but limited range of syntactic structures and vocabulary
(답안의 내용은 주제에 부합하지만 제한된 문장구조나 어휘를 사용함)