▶ Your Answer : Recently, general awareness about whether it is wise to reward children with good exam results has aroused heated arguments. People, nevertheless, have conflicting ideas; while some people say that giving reward to children who got good grades is necessary, others deem otherwise. However, from my own point of view, I am in agreement with the former stand to reward children with good grades regarding that it can motivate children and benefit the society. To begin with, it is more pivotal to reward children for their good grades in that children can be motivated to study. Motivation is a cardinal element that provides reasons to struggle for their aims. People with obvious motivation can easily reach to their goals and they can perform better and more effectively. By giving reward to children with good grades can provide meaningful reasons for the children to further study. In order to obtain the reward, they would be more likely to study harder to make better grades, and therefore, they would perform better. According to the recent research conducted by the experts, the children whose parents pledged to give rewards -such as smartphones, clothes, or toys- for their children's pleasant grades actually performed overwhelmingly compared to others. Therefore, rewarding children who achieved good grades is important cardinal for motivation. (*cardinal은 명사 앞에만 사용) Furthermore, it is more paramount to give reward to the children who performed greatly on their exam so as to benefit the society. Rewarding the outstanding children can give advantageous influences to our society in various aspects. Mainly, rewarding superb children can advance the overall knowledge and educational status of our society. The high educational status of the nation assists the nation to easily develop further. Historically, England, where the first Industrialization took place, had outstandingly advanced educational status, compared to other countries like India. Through giving reward to superb children, the enthusiasm and interest towards education and learning will significantly improve, and therefore lead to higher educational status and launch national development. 아이들의 좋은 성적에 대해서 상을 주는 것이 사회에까지 좋은 영향을 미친다는 것은 너무 비약적인 연결입니다. 지금 내용은 상을 주는 것 자체가 미치는 영향이라기보다는 아이들이 열정을 가지고 의욕적으로 공부했을 때 국가 발전까지 이어진다는 설명이므로 사실상 주제와 크게 관련이 없습니다. 현재 질문 내용은 특정한 사회적 움직임이나 전체적인 교육적 기조에 대한 질문이 아니라 개개인 차원에서 시험을 잘 봤을 때 상을 주는 것에 대한 질문이기 때문에 기본적으로 아이들에게 갈 영향에 대해 풀어내는 편이 적절해 보입니다.
In conclusion, in my opinion, it is central to reward the children with outstanding grades in order to motivate the children and develop the society.
Comment : 다양한 표현과 충분한 설명을 통해 논리를 전개해주신 부분들이 좋았습니다. 다만 본론2의 주장은 비약적인 요소가 많아 주제에 정확한 답변을 제시했다고 보기는 어려울 것 같아요. 좀 더 직접적으로 연결할 수 있는 이점으로 입장을 뒷받침할 수 있게끔 다양한 측면에서 생각해보시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Independent Writing Rubrics Score 3/5 An essay at this level is marked by one or more of the following : - Addresses the topic and task using somewhat developed explanations, exemplifications and/or details (일정 수준의 설명과 예시를 활용하여 문제의 요구사항을 해결함) - Displays unity, progression and coherence, though connection of ideas may be occasionally obscured (문맥이 모호한 부분들이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 어느 정도 드러남) - May demonstrate inconsistent facility in sentence formation and word choice that may result in lack of clarity and occasionally obscure meaning (문장의 구성 또는 어휘의 선택에서 내용의 명확성이 떨어지거나 의미 전달이 불분명한 부분들이 있음) - May display accurate but limited range of syntactic structures and vocabulary (답안의 내용은 주제에 부합하지만 제한된 문장구조나 어휘를 사용함)
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