Financial loans between friends can harm or damage the friendship. |
Throughout these days, materialism is getting serious and serious everyday. Whenever problems related to money occur, people get aggressive and fearsome. I have heard before that some people even sell their own children if someone give them money. People think money is the only thing they need in order to live in this nascent society. As this problem goes on, people refuse to loan money to families or friends. Most of the people think relation between their family or friends could get worse because of the landed money. (kinda waste of time, confusing ideas)
However, I believe loans between friends can be beneficial because of two reasons.
really good nice word choice. I really see your efforts.
HOWEVER this is an essay for toefl test. intro can be shorter than this. you don't want to waste your time. right?^^ If you had timing problem with writing this, I would suggest that you should cut off some sentences in this intro.
I fully support this( 'what is THIS?' will be grader's question) because a friend in need is a friend indeed.
-> First, a friend in need is a friend indeed.
Helping friends when they are in financial difficulties is what friends are meant to do for each other.i am not sure about this sentence If doctors' job is to cure patients who are sick, a friend's job is to help their friends whenever they have problems. From my personal experience, I once had a time when my friend helped me financially . I was bleeding really bad one time because I was fallen off from the stairs. So, she loaned me all the payments for my medical examination and medicines. I got better because of her and I am really thankful to her for landing me a large amount of money. I wholeheartedly(umm very strong adverb, I would omit) believe loans between friends can be a meaningful thing.
Moreover, we can strengthen our friendship. Some people will think that money will weaken their friendship. However, by loaning and paying back the money, we can have more faith in each other. Hence there will be no hidden secrets between our friends. We will understand and love each other on a deeper level. Their will be no doubt existing between us. There will be an appreciably big increase in the invisible friendship.
To sum up, I strongly believe landed money between friends can actually improve their friendship. Loans will make them to be more closer and friendlier. If you focus your life only accumulating and investing money, your relationship with people could be get weaker and weaker everyday. just omit..... (DO NOT use YOU in your TOEFL ESSAY. you're not talking to the grader^^ it's an essay)
i think. 17-20
it's pretty good.
1. big head small body ( the intro is just too long compare to your body)
2. long using of some words
3. sg, pl problem
you are
they are
people are
he is
i am
my job
their jobs
my life
our lives
KEEP IT UP!
thanks |