▶ Your Answer :
Some
people think that in order to succeed, it is better to be different from others.
However, in my opinion, to be more like others is more likely to bring success. succeed. This
is because if we follow others and do something similar to others, then we can
prepare unexpected events well, and we can learn from them.
To begin with,
by doing something similar to others', we can prevent unexpected events. To be
specific, in the business field, there are a lot of unpredictable problems. If we
don’t have any previous case for solving them, we would fall in panic. In other
words, we would have solved it well, if we have had good previous cases in
which the owner solved it well. For example, one of my high school teachers quitted
his job and entered the business world. He invested his all money in making to make an
application for smart phone. The application was made to solve high school mathematical
problems if a student does not know how to solve it and puts the question into
the app. But when he created the app, his team met a lot of bugs and they had to should fix it on their own because in the field, they were the first pioneer
and so, nowhere they could find solutions for it nowhere, even a hint. Anyway, tThey eventually
published the app spending much a long time. But it disappeared soon because it was
not enough to satisfy students.
On
top of that, if we are more like others, then we can learn from others. What I want
to tell is that we can learn how to do something from others and complete our work
quickly and effectively. For example, my brother is managing a coffee shop. And
he joins a community of coffee shop owners. The community is for debating how
to increase attract more customers, what beverage is popular, and sharing the better recipe of new
beverages. At first time, since my brother did not have any experience of a coffee
shop, thus it was is really hard for him to manage the coffee shop, but after joining
the club and gaining the method of how to work, he could finally make makes his coffee
shop famous in our town. He always says said his success is based on trying to be like imitating
others and learning from them.
To
sum up, we can prepare unexpected events well and we can learn from others if
we are more like others. In this regard, I believe that to be more like others
is better in order to succeed.
Comment :
주제에 맞는 주장을 잘 생각해주신 것 같아요. 시제, 수일치 관련한 문법오류와 어색한 어휘 표현 중점적으로 체크해주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다~! Independent Writing Rubrics Score 4/5 An essay at this level largely accomplishes all of the following : - Addresses the topic and task well, though some points may not be fully elaborated (문제의 요구사항을 대부분 잘 해결함) - Is generally well organized and well developed, using appropriate and sufficient explanations, exemplifications and/or details (적절하고 충분한 설명과 예시를 사용하며 대체로 글의 구성과 전개방식이 양호함) - Displays unity, progression and coherence, though it may contain occasional redundancy, digression, or unclear connections (중복된 내용이나 관련 없는 내용, 불분명한 연결이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 드러남)
- Displays facility in the use of language, demonstrating syntactic variety and range of vocabulary, though it will probably have occasional noticeable minor errors in structure, word form or use of idiomatic language that do not interfere with meaning (글의 의미를 손상시키지 않는 범위 내에서 사소한 문장구조, 단어 형태 오류를 보일 수 있으나, 전반적으로 어휘・통사적 다양성을 갖춘 유창한 언어 사용을 보임)
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