▶ Your Answer : Unquestionably, universities plays play a significant role in people’s daily lives in many of the places where they work or play. There are many ways to make an improvement on campus : to create an addition to the library, to build a new gym for sports activities, and to make an area for live entertainment. If I had to choose one, I would say that my university should create a new gym for sports activities. There are several reasons as follows. To begin with, when my university spend their spends its money on constructing a new gym for sports activities, it can help people improve their physical health. It provides easy access to sports facilities, which encourage encourages students to exercise more often. This is likely to prevent them from getting sick or overweight. For example, John, one of my friends, used to suffer from diabetes and obesity. He lived a sedentary life by spending a lot of time reading books in our university’s library, or playing computer games. He often went to art museums or music performances with his friends to let off some steam, but this did not improve his physical conditions. However, his health has improved improved after he started working out to work out at the university’s gym. A few months ago, the university invested in building a gym nearby his dormitory; thus, he was able to exercise with ease without having to go to a park far away from the university he was able to exercise often by not going to park which is far away from university. He gained some muscle mass and had better control of his blood sugar. He eventually lost 20 pounds and maintained a normal weight without getting diagnosed with a serious illness. If the university had built an addition to the library or an area for live entertainment, his physical condition would not have been able to improve. Also Furthermore, when students play sports in university’s gym, they can learn how to mingle well with people from different backgrounds such as exchange students and foreign students. It exposes them to different lifestyles, cultures and customs. Such exposure is likely to help them to acknowledge that different values exist, to understand this diversity, and to ultimately be comfortable with it. For example, when I was in high school, I saw one of my classmates from Ethiopia eating his meal with bare hands. I felt very uncomfortable by his behavior because it was my first time seeing someone like that. I kept my distance from him and sometimes made fun of him. However, after spending my weekends with some of my African friends in my sports club, I got used to this cultural difference. I realized that we just had different eating styles. In fact, we had a lot in common in a way that we all cared about our family and friends, were committed to relationships, and got easily hurt by what others say. I no longer feel awkward and can make friends with them.
All things considered, I strongly believe that the advantages of building a new gym in my university far outweigh those of any other options for the reasons I have mentioned above. All in all, the importance of sports facilities cannot be overestimated in education. Fair: 17~23 점수: 18 일단 두 번째 에세이에서의 예시는 이유와 논지가 안맞습니다. 이 에세이의 중점은 대학이 학생들에게 어떠한것을 투자해야한는 것인데 에티오피아 사람에 대한것은 이것과 전혀 관련이 없습니다. 같이 운동을 한다고 해서 그 사람의 문화를 배울 수 도 있는 것이 아니기 때문에 이유와 전혀 관계가 업습니다. 인트로 첫번째 바디와 결론은 무난하게 잘 서술한 거 같습니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |