▶ Your Answer : Undoubtedly, many teenagers have difficulty choosing a job and try to get a job that fit themselves perfectly. Parents usually influence children very much, therefore parents absolutely affect their children in children’s consideration of choosing a job children in choosing their future jobs. In this aspect, I would say with no doubt that, it is a lot better for children to have a parents’ career than to have an obviously different one. This is because parents could tell their children about the job specifically and realistically, and parents could lead children to the job in an easier way for the following two subsequent reasons (이미 밑에서 이유들을 다 설명을 할 것이기 때문에 인트로를 장황하게 서술할 필요가 없습니다).
To begin with, since parents are on the job’ field in a long time, they can explain about the job in detail parents can explain in detail (이유는 간결하게 서술). The important thing is parents and children are usually in a close relationship than any other people is the close relationship between parents and children. Parents can tell anything that would help their children, so parents would a realistic advise and advantages of the job that other people don’t tell often advising realistic issue that is not provided by other people. It would help children to decide a job to have, and he or she would have much more advantages than other people who didn’t have advises. My older brother went medical university to follow my parents’ career. He is now working in a resident in a hospital and he is happy about the job because he had enough information about being a doctor. When he noticed some of his coworkers being too exhausted and feeling not good about their choice in the job, he thanks to my parents that they helped him a lot in adapting to the job.
On top of that, parents have a great deal of knowledge in their career, and they experienced to have the job. This means that they can push their children in a lesser tough way to make them have a job. People who have these parents’ help would have an absolutely better chance of having a job than others. I know one girl who is working hard to become a teacher. Started from elementary school, her parents put effort on making her a teacher become a teacher. She also has a solid opinion of her future. Sometimes I feel that I want to be her because her parents are helping her as hard as they can, and it works out really well. She and her parents know well how to be a teacher.
In a nutshell, parents are the best advisers about their field and that helps children to decide the job and adapt to it. Also, parents have a better idea of making children have the job of them because they have experience. Therefore, I strongly believe that going to a field of parents’ is better for young people.
점수: 22 일단 지금 이 에세이를 읽으면서 가장 크게 느낀것은 불필요한 부연설명들이 너무 많습니다. 이러한 불필요한 부연 설명은 에세이로 하여금 장황하게 만듭니다. 에세이가 장황하게 변하다 보면 자신이 전달하려고 하는 내용이 변질 되기 때문에 지금 이 에세이에서 가장 크게 필요한 것은 간결하고 명확하게 자신의 주장을 전달하는 것 입니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |