▶ Your Answer :
Many people assert that art and music are not the important subjects to be taught in school. Some schools even eliminated the art and music classes, because they think students should rather study more about other subjects instead of taking art and music classes. Personally, I believe that it is essential to take art and history classes for children. I feel this way for two reasons, which I’ll explore in the following essay.
First of all, children have the right to take various classes. If the school doesn’t require take them as obligatory courses, some children would miss to take the art and music classes for graduation. As a result, some of them will lose the change to experience various subjects. My own experience is a compelling example of this. When I was a second grade in elementary school, I could enjoy various art and music classes as they were the compulsory subjects. I could play the piano and sang the diverse songs, and it remained to me as a precious memory. By contrast, my younger sister couldn’t take the art and music classes as her school didn’t designate them as mandatory courses. Her school encouraged students children to study language courses such as English instead as it was considered to be would be more useful. As a result, her English got better but she couldn’t learn art and music. She regretted her choice not to take them.
Secondly, the art and music are the vital parts of human’s life. (In what aspects?) To be specific, people relieve their stress and communicate each other’s feelings through music and art. Without them, our lives life would be more much harder to endure. For instance, when I was a high school student, I felt depressed and was anxious about a lot of examinations. It felt like my grades would decide my entire future and I was scared. I was eager to get rid of those feelings, so my friends and I danced hard or sang songs loudly whenever we felt melancholy. I could feel nothing but the freedom when we dance and sing. They actually helped to relieve my stress. Were there no music and art, I would not withstand my high school life, especially the third grade.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that school should make art and music classes as obligatory courses. This is because children have the right to experience diverse subjects, and because the art and music are essential things in human’s life.
채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence | 점수 | 3 | 3
| 2 | 3 | Score | Fair 18-20 | - topic sentence의 이유를 자세하게 밝혀주세요.
- more harder --> 비교급 중복해서 쓰지 않도록 유의하여 주세요.
- 두 번째 내용에서의 music이 삶의 refreshment이 될 수 있다는 것은 좋은 주장이나, 학교에서의 배운 경험을 토대로하는 것이 좋겠어요, ex) 학교에서 악기를 다루는 방법들을 배울 수 있어, 성인이 된 지금도 삶이 지치거나, 스트레스를 받을 때 그 때 기억을 돌이켜 악기(피아노)를 친다..등의..
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