▶ Your Answer :
As everything in life is like a coin which has two different
sides, people should weigh pros and cons before jumping to conclusions. After
all, each and every question of topic requires careful deliberation. Even
though some people adamantly think that teenage students’ working on part-time
job is unnecessary for them, I strongly believe such opinion lacks coherence to
some extent for following reasons.
First and foremost, few people would deny that the young are able
to learn a lot of things by working in real situation people can learn from real situation. Since students in
teenage might have virtually only learned the text-book knowledge, they would
not know practical know-how which can be used in everyday in life. Since
various part-time job could provide these things, it is good chance to take it
for them for them to learn social life. To make my point more thoroughly, I will take my personal experience.
When I was in last semester, I worked at a computer shop for the first in my
life and I learned myriad of valuable lessons from this. I had only knew only knew how to
code in several computer languages in efficient way before I undertook the job.
After I took several mistakes and learned from other staffs, I eventually learned
how the computer is operated in specific ways and stayed on top of the
discipline of computer’s work.
On top of that, the earlier experience on part-time job also enables
teenage students to realize the importance and value of money. Since they have
bought what they want nearly by using parent’s money, it is likely that they
lack concepts of flow of money and its virtue students lack the inflow of money. Earning on their own by having
arduous working enables them to engrave these values more deeply into their
mind. For instance, my friend had been wasteful and had not had enough proper
economic concepts did not have proper economic concepts. However, after he participated in an internship program, he
eventually regretted his past indiscriminate behaviors and became more prudent toward his finance. He began to manage his budget by himself and save
his money monthly. Had it not been for this real-experience, he would not have
been able to learn these critical lessons. learned such critical knowledge
In summation, it is virtually impossible to provide completely
satisfying answer to the open-ended question. Although the jury may be out of
this given topic, we can come to a mutual agreement that it is greatly helpful
for teenager to take the part-time job.
점수: 27 약간의 문법적 오류들이 있습니다. 이러한 오류를 재외하고는 전체적인 에세이 내용면에 있어서는 아주 논리적으로 자신의 주장을 잘 나타내고 있습니다. 각 단락에서의 구체적 설명과 적절한 예시 사용은 에세이로 하여금 왜 학생들이 알바를 해야하는 지 논리정연하게 잘 설명해 주고 있습니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |