▶ Your Answer :
The
issue that children should be required to practice sports has been frequently debatable
agenda. Some people might think that it would be better for children to focus
on academic tasks to get better occupation in the future. However, in my opinion,
I strongly believe that children can take a lot of advantages by taking part in
sports activities for the following two subsequent reasons. .
To
begin with, practicing sports at younger age is the perfect time for them to
develop their competency with faster pace than others who try at normal stage
of life. The younger people tend to foster the body to be suitable to the sports
they learn by enhancing their physical abilities which endure for life-long period. enduring for longer period. To be specific, I was a one-hundred-meter splinter for entire years in
elementary school and it was mandatoy for me to run over four miles every day,
which was rigorous standard for the young. However, while I joined military training
course for being winnowed as special force member, I did not suffer hard time
to adapt to notorious running program whereas some of my colleagues who got sick
from running quit before graduation.
On
top of that, it is good opportunity for children to discover their aptitudes on
sports. They are able to decide their career as a sportsman as younger as
possible, which has noticeable possibility to become an outstanding performer. For
instance, Christiano Ronaldo started to learn playing soccer when he was seven
years old in which ordinary children do not think about playing it. One day, he
had a chance to be noticed his distinctive locomotion by a scouter from professional
team and he initiated to prepare his professional career when he was elementary
students, which gave him weigh more time than the same age, and eventually made
him the most celebrated player in the world.
To
sum up, children who participate in a sport are able to be adept at what they
learn quicker than others and the accumulated efforts endure very long period of
the time, Also, it is beneficial for them to learn sport at early age because they
can detect their gift for experienced sport. In this regard, I strongly believe
that there are many merits for children to engage in sports activities.
점수; 25 일단 지금 이 에세이가 가지고 있는 문제점은 문장들이 run on sentence입니다. 문장들 자체가 run on sentence이다 보니 에세이가 장황하게 연결되는 거 같습니다. 따라서 지금 이 에세이에서 필요한 것은 불필요한 that절이나 in which절을 재외하시길 바랍니다. 이러한 부분을 재외하면 이 에세이는 전반적으로 자신의 주장을 잘 전달하고 있는 독립형 에세이입니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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