▶ Your Answer :
Some people
think that parents should take care of their young children rather than their
eldest. However, in my opinion, the eldest could significantly influence their
younger children’s life. With this understanding, I strongly believe that elder
should care for their younger brother or sister following subsequent reasons. take care of younger brother and sister for the following two subsequent reasons.
To begin with,
growing young children by elder allows them to communicate more efficiently
than their busy parents. The elder sibling enables to sympathize with them and
consult in real time. When these communications are fulfilled, younger kids
would be likely to improve their school performance improve their school performance. For example, my youngest
brother did poorly in elementary school. He got distracted easily,
procrastinated, and acted on impulse. However, he has changed little by little gradually
after communicating thirty minutes talking video chatting with me after school.
He realized that continuous conversations helped him recharge his battery and
refocus on his schoolwork while studying without reak could negatively affect
his concentration. Thanks to the apps that my parents cannot use it, he started
to maintain good behavior by raising his grade in school. He was able to excel
all throughout school and received a higher grade in his classes. Without
refreshing himself, he would have fallen behind.
On top of that,
providing that parents educated their younger children, it will not help them
cultivate important qualities needed for success children can cultivate important qualities needed for success. But, caring by older brother
or sister will able to help them to diligent, passionate, and self-disciplined help them to become diligent, passionate and self disciplined.
When these personal traits are developed, it is likely to bring a better result
in their sense of responsibility brings about a better result in the sense of responsibility. For instance, my friend John used to be lazy
and selfish when he was a little boy. His parents were too generous people so
they usually did not realize his wrong behaviors. But, he has changed little by
little after his older sister tended him every day. She dictated him to do
housework for his responsibility. Naturally, be became more prompt with time,
played his part better, and even encouraged his other siblings to be more responsible.
Without this experience, he would still have been irresponsible.
To sum up,
communicating and being responsible in our life makes people excellent and
creates opportunities for oneself achievement. In this regard, I think the
eldest could instigate their younger sibling's life more than we expect.
점수: 27 약간의 문법적 오류 이외에는 지적할 부분이 없는 독립형 에세이입니다. 독립형 에세이에서 가장 중요한 부분을 차지하는 것은 설득력 입니다. 지금 이 에세이는 설득력 부분에 있어서는 문제가 없는 에세이입니다. 각 단락들의 구체적 설명과 적절한 예시를 통하여서 왜 나이 많은 형제가 부모님 보다 동생들에게 더 좋은 영향을 주는 지를 구체적으로 잘 설명하고 있는 거 같습니다. 수고많으셨습ㄴ디ㅏ.
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