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Raising pets plays a significant role in people's daily lives in many of the places where they work or play. Some people think that people spend too much money on their pets while others think differently. Both sides may have their own reasons to support their views. If I were asked to choose one, I would say that it is okay to spend much money on pets. There are several reasons as follows.
To begin with, raising pets allows people to improve their sense of responsibility. Taking care of pets requires many obligations such as feeing feeding, bathing, and cleaing cleaning up. When such obligations are fulfilled, they are likely to realize that it brings about a better result. For example, my youngest brother used to be lazy and selfish. He changed little by little has changed gradually after he started raising to raise a dog. He realized that his responsibility could help it stay healthy while his laziness could nagatively negatively affect everyone affects on pets. Naturally, he became more prompt with time, played his part better, and even encouraged others to be more responsible. Without this experience, he would still have been irresponsible.
Moreover, when people raise pets, it can contribute to an increase of overall hapiness. This is because taking care of pets can help them to relax and recharge batteries. For instance, when I was in high school, I often felt depressed thinking that my life became an exhausting routine. To survive in a competitive world, I had to spend the whole day studying all academic subjects, hoping that I could outdo others. It was difficult for me to get along with others since everyone in the class seemed to be a rival. Fortunately, I was able to deal with such pressure and stress by looking after a cat. When I played with it, I could forget about my problems in school for a while and recharge my batteries. This helped me to refocus on study.
All things considered, it is worth to spend much money on pets for the reasons I have mentioned above. All in all, the importance of taking care of pets cannot be overetimated. Good:24~30 점수: 24 일단 전체적인 플로우나 논리적인 부분을 보았을 때 잘 서술하였습니다. 각 바디의 예시들이 이유를 서포트 잘 하고 있고요. 하지만 아쉬운 부분이 두 부분이 있습니다. 일 단 첫 번째 부분은 문법적인 부분입니다. 제가 첨삭한 것을 보시고 확인 하시길 바랍니다. 두 번째 부분은 첫 번째 단락 마지막 부분이 전체적인 이유 부분에 있어서 적절치 않나 싶습니다. 애완동물과 관련이 별로 없는 거 같아요. 이 부분을 주의하면서 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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