▶ Your Answer :
Undoubtedly, people generate many mistakes
while taking a speech in front of spectators. In this vein, in order to improve
one-self, some people take for granted that watching a recorded video is an
ideal solution for improving one’s ability of speaking, while others do not to improve speaking ability, while others think differently. If
I were asked to show my perspective about the topic just mentioned above, I
would say that It’s more desirable for speakers to get advices from their
colleagues who have observed one’s speech in direct. There is one reason and
specific example to support my view, based upon social trends and my indirect
experience. advises from colleagues for the following subsequent reasons.
When a speaker, making a number of unexpected
mistakes in frequency, have a keen sight on listening to suggestions given by friends,
one is able to come up with ideas that have been overlooked by oneself when he
or she is thinking alone To begin with, speaker can come up with ideas that have been overlooked. Looking back on oneself is always an essential
behavior for people to broaden his or her horizon. This means that getting Getting
feedback from friends plays a crucial role in reducing a chance of making
mistakes. For instance, John, one of my friends, had been longed for being a famous
announcer as a person who can speaks really well was renowned for his speaking ability. However, he often felt
depressed thinking that his life became an exhausting routine in that he had
received a lot of harsh criticisms from evaluates and got failed at every time
he had auditions. In order to deal with such stress and pressure, he spent the
whole day exercising speech and watching videos recording his speech, hoping
that he could recognized as an erudite announcer. Unfortunately, he found that
it was not easy to find means of improving his speech. However, he has changed little
by little after his friends watched his speech and tried to give feedback to
him. Once he felt an emotion of shyness and could not concentrate on speech
itself, but when he changed his mind and actively accommodated friends’ advises,
it was possible for him to get over his feeling of shame, and eventually have a
bigger views on matter such as how to pronounce well, how to clam the audience
through speech, and even how to straighten himself while speaking. As a result,
he could correct many flaws in many aspects of this speech; would have been
able to step up a stair of success accordingly.
As I’ve demonstrate above, there are many
pros and cons about the opinion I made. But in my case, I have the utmost
confidence to contend that the advantages of receiving advices from friends at
the scene may far outweighs those of concentrating on watching recorded version
of speeches. All in all, the importance of advised by friends should not be
overestimated.
점수: 21 일단 이 에세이는 한 단락에 너무나 많은 정보를 넣으려고 합니다. 이러한 경향으로 인해서 전체적으로 에세이 자체가 너무 장황하게 변하는 거 같습니다. 에세이가 장황하다 보면 자기가 무엇을 전달하려고 하는 지에 대한 의미가 변직 되게 됩니다. 따라서 지금 이 에세이는 너무 장황하기 때문에 간결하게 자신의 주장을 잘 보여줘야지만 좋은 에세이가 될거 같습니다. 숙지하면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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