Some people say that the Internet provides people with a lot of valuable information. Others think access to so much information creates prolems. Which view do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. |
What is an incredibly useful tool for office workers, middle school students, college students and parents? The only answer is the Internet. The Internet provides us with a great amount of information and wide variety of information. However, the Internet has some drawbacks, too. These drawbacks are that there are so much detrimental information of the Internet, also wrong information, and people using this program might be addicted to it.
~a great amount of information and wide variety of information~ 이 구절에서 of information이 반복되니까, ~ a great amount and wide variety of information~으로 묶어주셔도 됩니다.
~also wrong information~ 나열하시는 경우에는 also를 빼주셔도 됩니다.
To begin with, not all, but some of the information on the Internet might contain detrimental information to us. By being exposed to such an information, young people such as elementary school students and middle school students might be adversely affected. If they watch those, there is a chance that they will follow what they see. This is a very widely known, and serious problem in these days. For instance, my cousin, who is now thirteen years old always does a real gun shooting game everyday with his friends near my house. This is because the year before that, he played violent games such as counter strike. This game made him so violent, which is completely different from how he was long ago.
~contain detrimental information to us~ 인포메이션을 컨테인 하고 있는데, 그게 우리에게 디트리멘탈 하다는 뜻이겠죠? 위치조절을 해봅시다. ~contain information that is detrimental to us.~ 로 됩니다.
Furthermore, since the Internet is so wide, among the information on it, there are many that seem not to be true. Mostly, these information are on the Internet because of a property of it, which is called a anonymity. People on the web, upload faulty information to it because they do not have any responsibility for what they have said to others. To illustrate, a week ago, I had to research some facts about the biography of a modern artist, Andy Warhole, for school project. I found some piece of information on the Internet and volunteered to present what I have found. I said that Andy Warhole drew some pictures of Dr. Pepper. But then, everyone laughed because the picture that he had drawn was not a Dr. Pepper, but a Coca cola. At this moment, I was very frustrated by getting an untrue opinion on the Internet.
~a anonymity~ -> ~anonymity~
~some piece of information~ -> ~information~
Finally, using the Internet might get people addicted to computers or the Internet itself. People in my country usually use the web to do a lot of things such as receiving a mail, chatting with friends, and reading a news report. Yet, this kinds of behaviors might have a very negative effect towards them because they might get addicted to it and may not be able to get out of it. For example, again, my cousin was addicted to Counter Strike, which is a first person shooting game. When he was addicted to it, on Sundays, he played it from nine a.m. to about 1a.m. which is overnight. In these days, he could not do his homework nor school projects, therefore he got straight D on his evaluation. Being close with the Internet might be a serious problem to people such as yougnsters.
~ a first person ~ -> ~the first person~ 만약에 일인용 게임을 말하시는 거였다면, ~one-player game~으로 하시면 됩니다.
~nine a.m.~ -> ~9 a.m.~
~which is overnight~ 문장이 과거형이니까, 과거형으로 끝까지.. ~which was overnight.~
Capitalizing on the Internet has adverse effects to people such as showing inappropriate information to children, presenting wrogn informaiton and making people addicted to it and thereby ruining their lives. In conclusion, I think there are more disadvantages than advantages that people can get by using the Internet. If peole keep the Internet, it will eventually harm them.
~keep the internet~ -> ~keep using the internet~
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