▶ Your Answer :
These days, more and more people try
dangerous sports over world such as surfing, rock climbing, or skydiving.
Although they could lose their lives, they do not stop enjoying extreme sports.
It seems unnatural to do dangerous activities just for fun. However, we should
look into the reason people want to enjoy risks. Some people try to escape from
boring life or improve their abilities through danger. for the following two subsequent reasons.
To begin with, we now live in peaceful
world compared to the past because there is no big war in comparison to the fast such as, famine, attack of
beasts. However, some people feel boring about today’s lives. They often said
that when they feel death threats, they feel exciting because they have concentrate
on their activities and use five senses as much as possible. For example, when
I was in college, a friend of mine, Gi-hong enjoyed a variety of extreme
activities. At first, I did not understand him why he enjoyed danger. Actually,
he broke a bone and suffered serious injuries. Nevertheless, he looked very
happy. One day, I talked with him about this at the dormitory, and he told me
that dangerous sports only made him feel energetic and refreshed because he had
to utilize all senses to avoid death. On the other hand, doing general sports
was boring for him since he could easily do them without big trouble. In this
sense, enjoying dangerous sports is appropriate for people who do not feel fun
about normal sports.
Furthermore, people have a more chance to
improve their abilities and skills when facing dangerous situations than normal
situations. People who want to improve their abilities or overcome their limits
often make them be in dangerous situations confront in dangerous situation. This is because if If (this is because는 독립형 에세이에서는 적절치 않습니다) people just do
easy tasks, they will not utilize their potential and know their limits. When
we face fear, threat, and our limits, we see the necessity of improving
ourselves. For instance, when I was in a military service, I experienced much
severe training. I could not sleep for a very long time and eat sufficient food
over a week. At that time, I was extremely exhausted and wanted to forgive up
because I thought this training was beyond my abilities give up. However, when I
finished the training, I realized that I overcame my limits and felt confident.
Even though this training was really hard for me, it was a great chance to
develop my power and potential. Hence, if we want to become a better person
than before, we have to try something seem to be very dangerous.
All in all, although people who enjoy dangerous
activities may suffer severe injuries, these are necessary for some people who
feel boring about easy tasks and want to improve themselves. Seemingly, going
into dangerous situations is a crazy thing, but everything happens for a reason.
점수: 23 일단 지금 이 에세이는 불필요한 부연 설명들이 많습니다. 이러한 부연설명들은 에세이로 하여금 장황하게 만듭니다. 에세이가 장황하다 보면 원레 전달하려고 했던 의미들이 변질 되게 됩니다. 지금 이 에세이 같은 경우는 이러한 부분 때문에 의미가 변질되고 있습니다. 따라서 지금 이 에세이에서 필요한 것은 간결하게 본인의 주장을 서술하고 전달하는 것 입니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |