▶ Your Answer :
In the future, a
number of jobs will disappear and appear. When it comes to this statement,
people worry about choosing better jobs. In my opinion, I think that the ability
to relate well to people is more significant than studying hard in school for
success in a future job for the following subsequent reasons.
To begin with, simply studying hard in school is useless in the future.
To be specific, computers will supplant many jobs as time goes by. Computer and
Internet technologies have been developed and computers do much of the work
that human used to do. Some labor workers’ jobs are seriously threatened by a
robotic machine and artificial intelligence. Computers can save unprecedented
amounts of information and address a lot of knowledge concurrently. In light of
processing data, computers already surpass humans. Therefore, it can be
difficult to achieve success by taking a future job by only studying hard in
school.
On top of that, having a relationship with people is a crucial factor in
the future. No matter how hard people study, it can be pointless if they do not
apply it in practice. However, people can broaden their perspective by meeting
a wide range of people. Especially, those who experienced in their field can
give other people advice and useful information. Their advice contains actual knowledge that
is not in the book. Such know-how can be a huge help to many selections in a
future job because it can enable people to a better choice. Thus, having a
close relationship with many people can have a positive impact on success in
the future.
To sum up, just studying hard is meaningless in days to come. Moreover,
having more interaction with others makes a great difference with those who
only studying hard in school. In this regard, I sure that it is important that
the ability to familiar with other people rather than studying hard in school,
for success in a future job.
아주 아주 조그마한 내용적 flaw를 제외하고는 고칠게 전혀 없습니다. 에세이 정말 잘 쓰셨고 필자가 전하고자 하는 바가 독자에게 아주 잘 전달된 것 같습니다. 다만 어휘가 약간은 기본적인 어휘에서 그쳤다는 생각이 약간 들은 것 같습니다. 다양한 어휘 사용할 수 있도록 어휘집 공부많이 해주세요 동의어나 반의어 위주로 외우고 문장쓰기 연습하면 실전에서도 어휘 다양하게 생각납니다. |