▶ Your Answer :
Some people believe that it is better to choose a major which
needs to study requires more time to study and provides to get better opportunity to get jobs offers. There are
obviously many opinions regarding this topic, but I think I would recommend my
friend to choose a major which has less needs to less study for a degree and allows one to start
working full-time immediately soon. The concepts of health and motivation provides the
validity of the opinion.
First of all, being a student for a long
time is not that good for the students’ health. In order To study longer for to get better job chances,
it is essential to get financial assistance from their parents. and then
students will get high pressure of it. This will put more pressure on the student to succeed. In addition, the situation would worsen it would become more
serious if the students found out that their major does not fit them well. is not fit in well with them,
the situation would be worsened. This situation will stress the students. In fact,
stress is one of the primary factor of illnesses since it weakens the ability
of the immune system in the fight against disease. For instance, my uncle, a
doctor at a general hospital in a city, tells me that many patients who were
studying for a long time in a university came to him due to stress-related
ailment such as headaches, and insomnia. After closer examination, he found out
that the close relationship between stress-related symptoms and students’ low
self-esteem and high stress induced by long-period study is the main factor
that engendered the stress related diseases. It may be hard to believe, yet, he told me as he
said even some of his patients got better after they quitted their study. In this
sense, it is healthful for my friends not to study longer for the better job opportunity.
In addition, choosing a major which needs
less time to less study and allows students to start working soon can increase friends’
motivation in life. This is because, unlike studying longer, short-period study
for a degree is easier for students to consider as a tangible goal. Usually,
only two to four years are required for it. And after the period, students can
earn their own money soon so that this can be a big facilitator to improve
themselves. My friend, Suji is the best example of it. She thought about
medical school for her university once, but she gave it up and entered nursing
school instead. When she started to study in the college, she found out nursing
study is very much harder than what she had expected. However, she did not give up her study
and could finished her study with good grades at the end. The reason why she
could that it was short term of study which needs three years.(이해가 안되는 문장이네요) As she said, she
could have not continued her study even if she had to study for five or six
years like studying in medical school.
In conclusion, all things above considered,
it is better I recommend my friend to choose a major that allowes my friends to
get a degree faster and start working full-time soon. The example of health and
motivation support the argument.
두번째 예시가 좀 안좋은거 같긴한데... 혹시 두번째 문단을 안쓰고 첫번째만 쓴다면 몇점정도 나올까요? 항상 노고에 감사드립니다.
예상점수: 21~26 총평: 일단 예시들은 다 적절하고 논지도 훌륭하고 구성도 훌륭합니다. 다만 문법적인 문제가 많아서 가독성이 조금 떨어지네요. 문장을 조금 더 직접적으로 쓰시는 훈련을 하시는게 좋을 것 같아요. 말씀하신대로 첫번째 문단보다는 두번째 예시가 조금 부족하긴 한데 저는 그래도 충분히 적합한 예시라고 생각합니다. 첫번째만 쓰신다면 아무래도 글이 너무 단순해져서 점수는 더 낮아질 것 같아요. 두번쨰 예시가 첫번째만큼 강하지는 않더라도 쓰시는게 좋을 것 같아요. 다만 이런 경우처럼 두번째 예시가 더 자신이 없으시다면 첫번째와 두번째 예시의 순서를 바꿔서 쓰시는게 더 글의 주장을 힘 있어 보이게 할 것 같아요. 수고 많으셨습니다. |