▶ Your Answer :
It
is debatable whether job has more effect on happiness than social life. This is
an intriguing question where that opinions concerning this issue can be different
depending on the individual perspectives. In my opinion, however, I support
that people's jobs affects more powerfully their happiness than social life for
the following reasons.
To
begin with, people's jobs help them learn about building relationships with
others. To be specific, the jobs create opportunities for people to meet
various people from different backgrounds, which as a result allows people to
learn how to build relationships through communicating their thoughts and
connecting to each other’s feelings. Building relationships is a great way to
develop the increasingly important social, interpersonal, and communication
skills. When these skills are well used, people can adapt easily and enjoy
their social lives. For example, when I started to work for advertisement
company right after graduation, company life and environment were all unfamiliar
for me. However, it was really exciting for me since I could learn new things
and meet a lot of people from different cultures and backgrounds. This is
because my company was a foreign corporation and thus I could do work with
foreign partners and communicate with a lot of foreigners. As a result, it
helped me to expand my social network very widely. In contrast to this,
however, my job would not make me feel comfortable and be happy. The reason is
that job is just job. Why I get a The reason why I acquired the job is was to earning money for my living. I was
always stressed ful for too much from the tasks such as preparing presentation for new
project and submitting reports. Through this experience, I realized that I
could not enjoy my job and relieve stress by job. On the other hand, the best
merit of having a job is offering the chance of building relationships with others,
which is helpful for living in social life.
In
conclusion, I firmly believe that job affects positively on social life better.
All things considered, it is my belief that my argument regarding this topic
can be effectively and precisely delivered with the reasons mentioned above.
Never should we forget that this issue may have a huge impact on our future. 예상점수:24~28 총평: 글을 매우 논리있고 통일성있게 잘쓰셨습니다. 내용은 매우 훌륭하고 구성도 훌륭합니다. 다만 한가지 이유만 제시가 되어있어서 이유를 하나 정도는 더 쓰시는게 조금 더 설득력을 높이는데 도움이 될 것 같아요. 문법적으로 자잘자잘한 시제 문제가 있었지만 가독성에는 별다른 영향을 주지는 않았습니다. 약간 어법상 조금씩 틀렸다고 생각되는 부분들은 제가 고치긴 했지만 조금 더 직접적인 해석을 위한 suggestion입니다. 충분히 지금도 글을 잘쓰셔서 body하나에 이유를 하나만 추가해주신다면 더 높은 점수도 가능하실 것 같아요. 수고많으셨습니다.
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