▶ Your Answer : In recent years, there has been a growing debate as to whether art and music should be compulsory subjects for children. It is put forward by some that such preposition is true. However, in my opinion, those two subjects must be remained as electives in schools, and the reasons are as followed.
First and foremost, it is clear that enforcing to learn art and music can be attributed to heavy burden for kids. This is because children are obviously required to study more subjects. In addition, as the number of mandatory subjects increase, the amount of stress they get also drastically grow. For example, when I was attending a secondary school in Korea, it was essential to enroll about 12 subjects including are and music. At that time, I was extremely exhausted due to the amount of studies. Consequently, I dropped out the school because of the enormous amount of stress.
Another equally important reason is that such subjects are of less importance than other subjects like math, language, and science. It is evident that math and language are widely utilized in any career, whereas it seems less practical when it comes to art and music. This is illustrated by a study conducted at the university of Melbourne. The researchers found that most employees was not of ability to perform properly with the absence of linguistics and calculating simple math. As a result, painting and playing a musical instrument are not as essential as other necessary subjects in modern society.
The third and most noteworthy reason is that numerous parents inevitably carry financial burden. In other words, it is undeniable that learning art and musical instruments require a lot of expenses. According to the recent survey carried out at Seoul national university, majority parents are reluctant to join their children into art classes or music classes as such lessons are likely require a lot of tuition fee plus other allied equipment like piano, canvas, and so on. In addition, those parents firmly believe that once their kids sign up for those classes, they need to support financially until the graduation.
To sum up, looking at all the statements above, there are many reasons to be considered, but at the end of the day, art and music subjects must be optional for kids.
점수: 22 일단 지금 이 에세이를 읽으면서 느낀것은 전체적으로 너무 장황하다는 것 입니다. 에세이가 장황하다 보면 자기가 전달하려고 했던 본질의 의미들이 변질되게 됩니다. 특히 지금 이 에세이는 세 가지 이유로 에세이를 서술하였는데. 이러한 부분은 에세이의 이유들이 서로 겹칠 뿐만 아니라 전체적으로 자기가 전달하려고 했던 의미들이 달라지게 되기 때문에. 지금 이 에세이는 좀 더 간결하게 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |