▶ Your Answer : The
question has been raised as to whether people lean on working with job with
more vacation time but less interesting under the same rate of pay or not. After
taking consideration of the idea from several perspectives, I personally prefer
with job having more vacation time if we are paid same income for following two
reasons.
To
begin with, resting time is instrumental factor to interact among the family.
In detail, if children have a lack of time with family, it would affect
children`s personality directly (이유에 대한 구체적 설명을 하고 난 후에 예시로 넘어가시길 바랍니다). For example, one of my friend who is a dual
income family, her parents` company was always pushing employees to work
overnight. Since she had spent time alone at home, she had a difficulty socializing with her friends. In contrast, my cousin, Jo, his parents intentionally
chose company that has less working hours than others due to their family. Fortunately,
Jo had spent a lot of time with family and could have chance to interact with many
people. Now, he becomes very talkative and out-going child. As a result, working
with less vacation might influence children`s behavior negatively.
On
top of that, having more work and life balance, it leads to work efficiency at
the same time. leads to work efficiency. To be specific, According according (대문자는 문장 시작할 때만 서술하시길 바랍니다) to the research done by University of
Toronto, 70 percent of workers responded that less working hour actually helped
to work more efficiently and competitively. Furthermore, CEO of the certain company mentioned
that profits of company has increased approximately 20 percent by enforcing shorten
working hours. Due to the reason, a great change of working hour is better for not
only work and life balance of employees but also growth of company`s profits.
In
conclusion, I strongly believe that my standpoints of the two reasons are sufficiently
convincing. First, resting time is a significant element of family relationship
and second, shorten working hour brings better result both employees and CEOs. Opinions
may vary from possible to people but what does not change is that this topic is
something that needs to be addressed.
점수 :24 지금 이 에세잉가 가지고 있는 문제점은 이유에 대한 구체적 설명이 많이 부족합니다. 지금 이 에세이 같은 경우는 이유에 대한 구체적 설명이 되어있지 않는체 바로 예시로 넘어갓습니다. 바로 예시로 넘어가는 것보다는 보다 명확하게 이유에 대한 설명을 해주셔야지 이 에세이가 무엇을 말하려고 하는 것인지 파악할 수 있게 됩니다. 숙지하면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |