▶ Your Answer :
Sometimes, new buildings have to be built for residents in a
city, and so many of us believe that the old buildings should be destroyed and
replaced with new ones. However, I strongly think that a city should try to
preserve the old buildings as many as possible for the following reasons:
first, the city can save much of its taxation, and second, people can get
critical lessons from those historic buildings. Above all To begin with, a city has to spend a lot of money to destroy old
buildings and build up new ones. On the other hand, the city can save the tax by
preserving the old buildings, and thus it can use that money for the other
valuable things such as education or medical services. For example, a few years
ago, one of old buildings was destructed in the city where I am living, and the
governments are constructing new one now. For that, the city has been spent a
lot of tax, and will use more than now. However, there are many people who
worry about their meals every day in the city. I think the governments should
have saved the money by preserving and repairing the building and used that
money for the people suffering from poverty. In this context, I strongly
believe that a city should try to preserve old buildings to save its tax, and
use it for other important things.
On top of that, people can get an important lesson by visiting
the historic, old buildings. However, we will lose that opportunity if those
buildings are destroyed. In my case, I gained some knowledge about Korean War
when I visited several buildings when I was high school student. The buildings had
lots of traces of the war. By visiting the place, I could realize terrible, gruesome
and tremendous aftermath of war, and so I felt enormous grief. So, I got a
lesson that the war must be prevented. Furthermore, I started studying about
Korean War and spreading the knowledge about it to my friends after that
experience. Likewise, historic buildings can give us significant lessons.
Therefore, the historic buildings have to be preserved. To sum up, not only a city can save its money my preserving
old buildings, but also people can get lessons from those buildings. In this
regard, I think a city should try to preserve its old, historic buildings
rather than destroy them. Fair: 17`~23 점수: 20 일단 전체적으로 에세이를 읽으면서 느낀것이 논리적으로 많이 빈약 해 보입니다. 특히 첫 번째 바디에서 이러한 부분이 많이 보입니다.. 세금과 그에 대한 영향과 오래된 건물을 보존해야하는 것과 상관관계가 많이 부족한 거 같습니다. 그냥 현상만 설명했다라는 느낌만 받습니다. 따라서 좀 더 개연성있게 서술하시는 것이 좋을 거 같습니다. 이러한 부분은 두 번째 바디에서도 나타났습니다. 따라서 에세이를 서술하 실 때 개연성에 초점을 맞춰서 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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