▶ Your Answer It is debatable whether it is more important to keep your old friends than it is to make new friends. This is an interesting question because opinion concerning this issue can be different depending on the individual point of views. In my opinion, however, I support that it is more beneficial to make new friends for the following reasons.
First of all, building new relationship is able to broaden your perspectives. broadens perspective (독립형 에세이에서는 you를 서술하면 안됩니다) To be specific, making new friends or coworkers allows people to make better understand other people's cultures, lifestyles, and perspectives. As modern society is increasingly becoming has increasingly become globalized, today's world requires people with diverse international views. So people who live in modern society should actively find way to increase their views. People can do this better by enjoying social club or using 'friend make' applications. (좀 더 예시를 구체화 시키는 것이 중요할 거 같습니다)
Another reason is that making new friends helps your getting a great job. Furthermore, new friends make people get a job. This is because there There (this is because는 적절한 표현이 아닙니다) are so many people in the world and those people may have own expert knowledge. So if you develop relationships with a lot of people, you would be obtain lots of knowledge. And this result, you will be hire by a good company. To be specific, A large company only hire people with excellent skills and knowledge.This shows that if we form with new people, not only we can attain personal growth, but also we can get a good company.
All things considered, I firmly believe that create creating new friends is more beneficial to us. it is my belief that my argument regarding this topic effectively and precisely delivered with mentioned above. Never should we forget that this issue may have a huge impact on our future.
점수: 22 크게 두 가지 부분에 있어서 오류가 있는 독립형 에세이입니다. 첫 번째는 독립형 에세이에서는 you를 서술하면 안됩니다. You는 구어체이기 때문에 주의하시길 바랍니다. 두 번째는 예시 부분들이 아쉽게 끝납니다. 좀 더 구체적인 설명을 부가하면 더 좋을 거 같습니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |