▶ Your Answer : There is currently a debate about whether nation should suspend government funding for the arts when significant numbers of their citizens are hungry or unemployed or not. Two different views hold in regard to this issue. After pondering upon two possible opinions from several aspects, I personally agree with the idea that government should spend money in arts. There are two reasons to stand. First, Arts are not for rich people, and second, Arts can improve economy. for the following two subsequent reasons.
To begin with, While many people consider that spending money in art parts is not helpful, I believe that arts should provide to all people because arts are not only for the upper class. Also, All people have right to be provided appropriate quality of culture all people have the right to see arts. According to a recent poll, the majority of participants responded that they want high quality of civilized living regardless of their income. The reason is when When they enjoyed some activities like listening music or seeing art work, It was very helpful to release stress, even they were not have enough income. This reports mentioned that people who experience nice artworks, they feel very happy and they can have power to live another days. This shows that how much artworks are need to people.
On top of that, to strengthen my view point, invest to the art art can be a way of improve national competiveness investing money on arts improves national competitiveness. Everybody know about global pop artists earn countless money. In this case, Arts can be a method of earn money. My experience could be an example. When i was a students, I have a friend whose parents are not employed. She has no money to eat lunch. Someday, she took a music class and music teacher gave a chance to her to playing the piano. She played the piano without learning. After few years later, she became a famous pianist and she also earn much money. This shows that arts can be a job to earn money. On the whole, I strongly argue that my points with two reasons are sufficiently convincing. The reasins are Art should be provided to all people and art can increase financial part. In this regard, I believe that nation should suspend government funding for the arts when significant numbers of their citizens are hungry or unemployed.
점수: 21 일단 이 에세이에서 가장 큰 오류는 각 단락들이 주제를 벗어났습니다. 지금 이 에세이에서의 정확한 주제는 사람들이 삶이 어려워 질 때 정부가 미술 관련된 부분에 있어서 돈을 지출하는 것이 좋은가에 대한 에세이인데 각 단락들을 보면 전혀 이러한 부분들과 관련이 없고 무엇을 전달하려고 하는 것인지 모르겠습니다. 따라서 좀 더 구체적으로 주제와 연관을 주면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |