▶ Your Answer :
Some people argue that mobile
phones have negatively affect affected people. However, in my opinion, mobile phones
have given people more freedom. This is because the phones help people overcome
spatial constrains, and improve information accessibility.
To begin
with, owing to the invention of mobile phones, now people able to can communicate with
people who live in long-distant area. Before the development of the phone,
people had to visit one’s place to talk with them in
person. Thus, distance had been a big huddle for their life. However, people
have achieved the freedom and now people can interact with others regardless of
their location. Recently, a poll was conducted by the Korea Development
Institute in order to find out what inventions are the factors, which improved
people’s freedom in the 20th century. The research team interviewed
200 famous professors and concluded that the mobile phone is one of the significant
variables for it. The interviewees commonly pointed out that the phones remarkably
extended the range of people’s activity.
On top of
that, the use of mobile phone has improved the information accessibility
of people. The term ‘the 4th industrial revolution’ is already widely spread to
the global society, and it is believed that the revolution will be driven by
the information and information related technology. Most people have at least
one mobile phone, and it is a key channel, which makes people stay connected
with information. For example, when I was an undergraduate student, I had to go
to a library to find out references for my term paper. Mobile phones were not yet
accepted by majority people including me. After few years later, I bought a
mobile phone, and it made a lot of changes. Especially, I was no longer to stop
by libraries frequently since most references was on the internet, and the
phone made me access to data immediately. I did not have to go to libraries frequently since most information is on internet.
To sum up, the phones help people able to
communicate with people regardless of location, and also the use of mobile
phone has improved the information accessibility of people. In this regard, I firmly agree with that mobile phones have given people more
freedom. Good;24~30 점수: 24 대채로 잘 서술된 독립형 에세이입니다. 독립형 에세이에서 가장 중요한 부분은 본인의 에세이를 통하여서 얼마나 적절하게 잘 설득 할 수 있냐 입니다. 이러한 부분에 있어서는 지금 이 에세이는 잘 서술 되었습니다. 특히 각 바디의 예시들이 이유를 가장 잘 서포트 하고 있습니다. 다만 좀 아쉬운 점은 문법적인 요인입니다. 좀 더 문법에 더 중점을 주시면 더 좋은 점수를 받을 수 잇을 거 같습니다. 수고많으셧습니다. |