▶ Your Answer :
TV programs provide a lot of information from daily news to entertainment issues. Some people think that TV programs should be set restricted to specific programs which can instruct people, while other think that entertainment contents are more needed to people's lives. I think that the latter view is more reasonable for the following subsequent reasons.
To begin with, entertainment programs on TV provides happiness and enjoyable feelings for people lives to people. Many entertainment contents are focused on provoking laughter and provoke people's laugh and enjoyment by providing exciting stories or musics and comedies. When programs are organized well, viewers are likely to relieve stress and get a vital energy for enjoying in to enjoy their lives.TV program. For example, my little brother was depressed. He suffered from overworking. It was very hard to see his smile face in home. (한국어에서는, 특히 대학 입시를 위한 논술 등에서는 문장을 가능하면 간결하게 쓰는 게 좋다고는 하지만 영어는 조금 다릅니다. 즉 현재 문장들은 두 세 개씩 묶어서 적어도 돼요.) However, he has changed little by little after watching one a particular comedy program. the program was fulled The program was full of sarcasm about a bad supervisor who imposed hard working to employees. His stress from excessive working from the orders of his boss boss's order could be released by watching this show. As a result, he could stand hard working for a long time, thinking about that funny moment. Finally, he could promote higher position as his showed his patience on his work even excessive order from his boss. If he did not have a chance to watch comedy show, he might quit his job and look for another job still now. In addition, entertainment TV programs are is likely to bring more benefits on society. Most people want to spend time on TV with enjoyable topics or contents. This means that, entertainment are the most popular programs compared to than other programs such as news, educational programs. When we think that many popular advertisements are showing shown back and forth of an entertainment content, it is sure that entertainment show plays a significant role in the commercial market. When products are being displayed through advertisement, it is likely to increase benefits on the consumption market. According to a research conducted by Tokyo university, there are big differences in selling figures between two products. (이러한 언급이 있기 이전에 먼저 뒤에 따르는 상황에 대한 설명이 앞서 제시되어야 합니다. 즉 순서가 틀렸어요.) One product was adverted after news, other one was shown after entertainment show. The result indicated that the latter product was sold more three times than former one even though two product have same price and same quality. (지금은 시험장이 아니라 크게 상관은 없지만, 전반적으로 연구 결과가 너무 쥐어짜낸듯한 느낌이 강하게 드는 편이므로 주의해주셔야 해요.) This means that entertainment programs have a strong power to increase commercial market.
All in all, although the function of giving the beneficial information to people is important, considering the fact that the influence of entertainment in commercial market and role of treatment people's lives, the merits of entertainment program override other programs which want to enlighten people.
총평: 첫 번째로는, 문법 오류가 적지는 않은 편이므로 전치사, 단수 복수의 구분 등에 조금 더 주의를 기울여주시면 좋을 것 같습니다! 또한 예시와 연구 결과 모두 불필요한 문장, 어색한 문장, 순서의 문제 등이 있었으므로 이러한 흔히들 말하는 '뒷받침 역할을 하는 부분' 을 작성할 때에는 임의로 만들어내는 것 까지는 좋지만 조금 더 자연스럽게 구성을 해주시면 좋을 것 같아요. 수고하셨습니다 :) |