▶ Your Answer : There might be some people who believe that it is more imperative for teachers to be experts in fields than to communicate with students. However, I personally disagree with the above idea for the following two subsequent reasons.
To begin with, relationship with teachers can promote sociability. To be specific, since teachers are adults who have experienced the society and knew how deal with behavior to other people. Thus, they can teach how students have connection with other people after they would graduate from schools they can teach how to connect with other people when students graduate. For example, I will talk about my experience to illustrate this point. When I was in high school, I was so poor that I can not afford to pay for meal plans. I was so nervous about it, which made me isolated from friends in the same class. However, my classroom teacher noticed it, she tried to make group play as extra curricular that all the classmates including her had to participate in. Through those chance, I could have opportunities to be closer to class mates. She knew the importance of sociability, and that made herself take part in the group play. From this experience, I realized that it is crucial for teachers to have the sense of sociability.(일단 지금 예시는 개연성이 하나 도 없습니다 자기가 가난해서 힘들었다에 대한 이야기인데 갑자기 엉뚱한 방향으로 이야기를 풀어 나가고 있습니다) On top of that, connection with teachers can enhance the students' learning abilities. To explain, familiarity with teachers is more helpful to increase the students' grades than their expertises. Teaching only in class room with text books hardly motivate students. It is essential for students to find their own ways to study for themselves. A study was conducted by the Korean Education Associations in 2000 to determine whether concentrated expertise teaching could raise students' academic abilities. There were two groups monitored. The first group was formed of 100 students who were taught expertise after a regular curriculum. The other group consisted of 100 students who were participated in extra curricular activities with their teachers, like sports games. The researchers compared the outcomes and reported that the former achieved high degree than the latter since the former could have motivation after outdoor activities with their teachers and stimulated naturally. This study shows that skinship with teachers is imperative to increase students' learning abilities.
To sum up, relationship with teachers can have students promote sociability and learning abilities. In this regard, I firmly believe that it is more crucial for teachers to communicate with students that to have expertises in their majors.
점수: 22 일단 지금 이 에세이를 읽으면서 느낀 것은 각 단락들이 개연성이 많이 떨어집니다. 첫 번째 단락이나 두 번째 단락 모두 개연성 결여가 현저하게 보입니다. 설명이 완벽하게 되지 않은체 이야기를 엉뚱한 방향으로 이어나가는 거 같습니다. 또한 이유에 대한 구체적 설명이 부족합니다. 바로 예시로 넘어가는 경향이 있는데 좀 더 이유에 대한 구체적 설명을 더 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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