▶ Your Answer : Undoubtedly, children are well prepared to
learn plays learning plays a significant role in people’s daily lives in many of the places
where work or play. There are many things that to provide books written for
children to read, to read books out loud for children to listen to, and to have
many conversations with children to be prepared to speak with adults. Respective
sides have their own reasons to support their views. If I were asked to choose
one, I would say that to may have many conversations with children to be
prepared to speak with adults. There are several reasons as follows for the following subsequent reasons..
To
begin with, when children got conversation with their loved parents, it could
allow them to improve their relationship. It gave children a chance to socialize
with their loved parents by getting to know and understand each other. Being
with people they care about is likely to prevent prevents them from being loneliness.
For example, when my sister was (동사가 존재하지 않습니다) in kindergarten, she felt depressed thinking that
her life became an exhausting loneliness because she got easily shame shamed and worried.
So, she spent the whole day playing without friends, hoping that she could play
with other friends. Although she made constant effort, it was not easy because other
children were discounting her. Fortunately, she was able to overcome could overcome her
feeling of loneliness by communicating our parents and talking to fun things
with me. She was getting confidence and feeling a better. By doing this, she
was able to connect In doing so, she could connect with other children and promote her conversation skills.
Finally, she was able to speak could speak with other adults such as teacher after she kept
practicing with our parents. Furthermore, she could adjust to elementary school
and get good grades. If she had not practiced with our parents, she would not have
adjusted to elementary school.
In
short, I firmly think that the advantages of to have many conversations with
children to be prepared to speak with adults far outweigh those of other
options such as to provide books written for children to read and to read books
out loud for children to listen to for the many reasons I have mentioned above.
All in all, the importance of to have many conversations with children to be
prepared to speak with adults cannot be overestimated in life.
점수: 22 인트로 부터 시작하여서 결론까지 전체적으로 너무 장황한 독립형 에세이입니다. 특히 지금 이 에세이는 한 단락에 너무나 많은 정보를 넣으려고 하는 독립형 에세이입니다. 너무나 많은 정보를 한 단락에 넣으려고 하다 보니까 전체적으로 에세이가 장황하게 되는 뿐만 아니라 본레 자기가 전달하려고 했던 의미들이 변질되게 됩니다. 따라서 지금 이 에세이에서 필요한 것은 좀 더 간결하게 자신의 주장을 전달하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |