▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that not saying anything is better than saying something not that great. However, in my opinion, telling everything is better than being quiet for the following two subsequent reasons.
To begin with, people can make other people feel happy although your talking skill is bad. To be specific, in this world the ability of sympathy is more important than speaking well. Thus, even though someone does not say perfectly, he can be evaluated as a brilliant person. To give an anecdote, my friend Sally is very frank and doesn’t like to say something cool to others. However, she always listens to other people’s concerns well and gives them very realistic and something useful commentaries. That is why she is respected by all of the surrounding people.
On top of that, if a person says nothing at all, he would be considered as a mindless person. To explain, people generally think that who doesn’t tell any word is who doesn’t have any ideas. Even if it is not a splendid word, it is crucial to show your thoughts honestly. For example, I had been a very quiet and passive person. I couldn’t have said someone my thinking frankly since I was scared about given any criticisms by others. One day, my teacher told me that I should be a person who is his own boss. Thenceforth, I began to express my thoughts and thanks to that, I made a lot of friends and became confident.
To sum up, people can satisfy others although they don’t have great speaking skill. Moreover, other people would think of them as a mindless person if they do not show their opinions. In this regard, I firmly believe that although one’s saying is not gorgeous, telling own thought honestly is significant
점수: 22 전체적으로 설명 부분에 있어서 많이 빈약한 독립형 에세이입니다. 독립형 에세이에서 가장 중요한 부분을 차지하는 것은 설득력 입니다. 지금 이 에세이는 설득력 부분에 있어서 많이 부족한 독립형 에세이인거 같습니다. 각 단락의 내용 자체가 빈약하고 부족하다 보니까 무엇을 말하려고 하는 것인지 파악하기가 너무 어려운 거 같습니다. 따라서 지금 이 에세이에서 필요한 것은 좀 더 구체적으로 자신의 주장을 전달하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |