■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words.
■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer
▶ Topic : Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Children should be required to help with the household tasks as soon as they are able to do so.
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
▶ Your Answer :
First of all, children will be more responsible to their action
In doing so, children can learn the effort put in daily life. The problem of children who are not required to do such tasks is that they tend to take it for granted parents doing the dishes, cooking, or washing their cloths. Even thought food does not come from nowhere, and nor the bathroom clean itself, they do not know to show gratitude for that (이 부분을 통하여서 하고 싶은 말이 무엇이나요? 이해가 되지 않습니다). By teaching them it is also their responsibility to clean after using, or to prepare their food by themselves will teach them the valuable lesson: “no pain, no gain”
Besides, It is parents’ responsibility to teach their children basic manners, and housework chores are definitely one of those, because it is not a thing which is taught in school. Therefore, childrens should do the household work, in order not to be a child who lacks basic manners. For example, let’s say that a child visits his / her friend’s house and has a dinner with friend’s family. After having a meal, if the child forgets to bring the dishes to the kitchen, others will think that he / she is improperly educated from his / her parents. To prevent this from happening, we parents should require children to actively do some shares of household works.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that children must be required to do the household chores, not only to raise their responsibility but also to fulfill the duty of good parents.
점수: 22
일단 전체적으로 내용이 정리되어 있지 않다라는 느낌이 듭니다. 정리가 덜 되었다라고 느껴지는 이유 중 하나는 인트로 부터 바디 결론 까지 자신의 주제가 명확하게 명시되어있지 않습니다. 전체적으로 이 에세이를 통하여서 작성자가 독자들에게 무엇을 말하려고 하는 것인지 파악하기가 어려운 에세이인거 같습니다. 따라서 좀 더 주제에 연관성을 두면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다.