▶ Your Answer :
Today, due to the increase of the free time
that individuals can spend, people are more possible to have time with their friends
than in the past. Some people insist that spending time with large numbers of friends
are better than spending time with fewer friends. However, my assertion is that
time with one or two are better for the following reasons.
To spend time with one or two friends are is better
than to spend time with larger friends because it provokes more emotionally closer
relationship. A little number of peers sympathize individuals more efficiently
than those with large numbers. According to a recent research conducted in
Seoul National University in 2017, several of psycologists had succeeded in proving
that spending time with minor people leads to feel emotionally closer than
spending time with myriad of people by dividing volunteers into two groups. Those
in group A were isolated in a room with 2 or 3 people with them, whereas those
in group B were isolated in a room with 10 or more people for 2 hours. After
the experiment was over, those in group A possessed a closer relationship with
those who were isolated with each other, however those in group B possessed awkwardness
after the experiment. It was because those in group A were able to spend more time
communicating each other, within the group, they were able to sympathize to each other more and have
be emotionally closer.
On top of that, spending time with a few
people costs less than spending time with massive people. Because individuals
need to spend time with more people, they need to buy more objects to serve
them. For instance, from my personal experience, when I needed to spend time
with the company’s peers, which is more than 15 people, I needed to spend a lot
of money because of the amount we ate or drink. However, when I have time with
just my best friends, which is 2 or sometimes 3, it only cost the amount of 2
or 3 people.
To sum up, between having time with many
people or not, I personally prefer spending time with small amount of people
because it derives more closer relationship and spends less money compared to the
time with majority. 예상 점수: 24-27 총평: 우선 글에 내용은 좋습니다. 다만 문단들의 길이를 맞춰서 써주실 필요가 있습니다. 현재의 글은 첫번쨰 문단과 두번쨰 문단의 길이가 차이가 조금 많이 납니다. 다음으로 첫번쨰 문단에서 문법적으로 spending time이기 때문에 is로 써주셔야 하며, several psychologists라는 표현이 더 어법상 적합하고 myriad of people도 마찬가지입니다. 첫번째 문단의 마지막에서는 설명을 조금 더 디테일하게 the group, they were로 써주시는게 맞고 have보다는 be가 더 적합한 단어입니다. 수고 많으셨습니다.
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