우선은 읽어봐 주셔서 감사하구요..... 여러가지 생각은 하지만..막상 쓰려고 할때는 참 정신
없더라고여......^^;; 이제 시작한거니.....많이 고칠점이 있져.....앞으로 열심히 해보겠습니다..
여기에 계속 올려야지여.....담에도 시간나면 해주시길.....^^*;; 근데 이정도면 몇점은 나오나여?
에공...걱정이 되네여....^^;; 그럼 수고하세여....
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┼ ▨ Re..나름대로 해봤읍니다.~ - ToeflMania(tons9595@yahoo.co.kr) ┼
First of all, It is easy to enjoy cultural benefits in a big city. A big city has big shopping centers that present a person with interesting events, various food and good products. Besides, it has
many theaters that show films or dramas of a diverse genre. The person is able to spend his or her extra time in those big shopping centers and theaters.(them 으로 하면 읽는쪽에서 무엇을 가리키는지 어려울수있음...단지 theaters 만 포함한거같은 느낌이듬..)
Second, one can have better education in a big city because it has a lot of schools
and universities. A student living in a big city is able to gain much more knowledge as well (for learning 은 불필요 한듯해서 지웠음..). In addition, It has better education environment than a small town.( enviornment 는 환경, 주위 의 뜻을 가질땐 Uncountable 이므로 지웠음..)
Consequently, a big city has much more benefits than that of a small town. Therefore,
I prefer to live in a big city. (문장 시작을 And, So, But 등으로 시작하면..않조음..Therefore, However, In addition 등으로 사용하면 더 좋음..)
빨간색으로 한거외에 고친게 좀 많커든요...단어도 좀 바꾼거 같고요...글구 사람은 다 단수로 했음..심심해서 ^^...서론과 3번째 단락 예는 고칠게 없는거 같아서 안적었음..
서론이 좀 적은 거 아닐까요? 결론도 좀 설렁한거 같고요..구성은 다 잘된듯해요~
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┼ ▨ 첨삭좀 부탁 드립니다...담주에 셤이...^^;; - 초보맨....(koiler@freechal.com) ┼
│ 이제막 에세이 쓰는 연습을 시작했습니다. 그런데 역시 첨삭을 해야 뭐가 틀렸는지 알겠더라구여.
│ 님들의 도움이 절실히 필요합니다. 이정도면 어느정도의 점수가 나올수 있는지...궁금하구여...
│ 그리고 문법상의 오류등도 지적을 해주셨으면 합니다....부탁합니다...담주에 셤이라..걱정이..
│ 이만저만이 아니네여..ㅜㅜ;;
│
│ 문단 만들기 참 힘드네여..이궁....그럼 부탁 드리겠습니다. 시간이 넘 없어서..오늘 밤에 들어와서 확인을 할께여.....그럼 이만.....^^
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│ Which would you prefer to live in a small town or a big city?
│
│ ==> Some people prefer to live in a small town. Others prefer to live in a big city. I like to
│ live in a big city.
│
│ First of all, It is easy to enjoy cultural benefits in a big city. A big city has big shopping
│ centers that offer us interesting events, various foods and good products. Besides, it has
│ many theaters that show films or dramas of a diverse genre. People are able to spend their
│ extra time in them.
│
│ Second, People can have better education in a big city because it has a lot of schools
│ and universities. Students living in a big city are able to receive many information for their learning. In addition, It has a better education environment than does a small town.
│ For example, a big city has many big conventional bookstores and libraries that offer places and data for studying.
│
│ Consequently, a big city has much better various benefits than does a small town. So
│ I prefer to live in a big city.
┼ ┼