▶ Your Answer : Nowadays, as many food chains convenient store (food chain이란 단어는 없습니다) and restaurant appear on the street or near people resident, people can select a lot of ways to eat. However, food chains and restaurant never always offer proper environment to have meal. In this sense, I prefer to eat at home for the following reasons.
To begin with, restaurants have a number of problem with sanitary. Restaurants always prepare meal for a myriad of people. Because people who visit restaurant or food stands want to eat meat as fast as possible. Therefore, restaurants should prepare meal in advance As people who visit restaurant or food stands want to eat meat as fast as possible, restaurant should prepare meal in advance. Besides, if people are crowded in restaurant or food stands, they would not have time to wash dishes or tables. Generally, restaurants have few time to prepare meal and cleaning clean dishes and table, then they have poor quality environment. I will take my personal experience as an example, it was a day I graduated from middle school. Parents wanted to eat delicious food for my graduation, we were went went to famous restaurant which was showed on television show. Unfortunately, many people was in there already, so we waited so long time, and we entered the restaurant almost 30 minutes ago. We were so disappointed at food qualities, dishes were so dirty and we ate food at 2 person table, even my family were 4 members. 일단 예시가 적절하지 않은 거 같습니다. 이 에세이에서 말하려고 하는 것은 집에서 먹는 것이 좋다 라고 햇는데. 집에서 요리해서 음식을 먹으면 위생적으로 좋다라는 식으로 서술하는 것이 더 좋았을 거 같습니다.
Moreover, eating food at home can give peaceful and clean meal. If people prepare their meal at home, they can see expire date, quality of ingredients, and even they pull out all the stops to eat clean food. Besides, they can add or remove what they want or not for their health. Therefore, If people need fatty food, they can add meat or protein. For instance, I prefer eating at restaurants because it was so fast to prepare, and did not have to remove waste that after eating. However, my health condition was going to bad went bad since I ate fatty food and ate fast because they had a number of customers who want wanted to eat meal and there was enough seats. After that, I started to prepare meal at home, I could adjust food's calories by adjusting foods' ingredients. I was so fat, I removed meat and fatty ingredients. My health was getting better and ate foods that high-quality. 일단 첫 번째 부분이랑 겹치는 거 같습니다. 야간의 겹치는 부분이 있습니다. 위 바디에서도 환경에 대한 거였고 두 번째에서도 환경에 관한 겁니다. 좀 더 다른 approach로 서술했으면 더 좋았을 거 같습니다.
To sum up, eating meal at home can offer proper food quality and good environment to eat, and sanitary for food. This is the reason why I prefer to eat meal at home. Fair: 17~23 점수: 22 일단 가장 중요하게 문제가 된듯 한 부분은 첫 번째 바디와 두 번째 바디 이유가 겹치는 듯한 느낌이 있습니다. 앞으로 에세이를 쓰실 때 첫 번째 바디와 두 번째 바디가 이유가 겹치지 않게 서술하면 더 좋은 에세이가 될 거 같습니다. 겹치게 되면 똑같은 말을 반복하기 때문에 조심해야할 부분이라고 생각합니다. 약간의 문법적 오류들도 있으니 제가 참석한 것을 보시고 확인 하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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