▶ Your Answer : Some people believe that it is much better to learn from and take after people who are at a higher level than to learn from people at the similar level. However, I am totally against the idea for two reasons. First of all, we can learn a lot from others by merely comparing differences with others. Also, it is easier to take after and act as people who are in the same level.
To begin with, people can develop themselves by making a comparison between them and others regardless of their levels. Every people in every level has different traits including own advantages and disadvantages in themselves. Though those advantages might vary from trivial ones to crucial ones, all of them would worth learning and carrying out. I would like to give an example of my friend. My friend, as a high school student had a very interesting hobby. She always observed others and wrote in her notebook about the things she could learn from. Other friends sometimes made fun of her, but she never stopped doing so. What is interesting is that, after 5 years then, she became a very successful businesswoman owning a big company by her own. When she was asked what is the secret of her success, she always say said that she learned whatever things from others. This experience surely backs up the idea above. 일단 예시가 어긋난 거 같습니다. 이 에세이에서 하고자 햇던 말은 사람들이 자신과 비슷한 레벨에 잇는 사람들에게 더 많은 것을 배운다라고 햇는데 위 예시는 그것과 다르게 여자 분이 모든사람들에게 좋은 점과 나쁜 점을 배우게 되었다라는 것 이기 때문에 좀 더 어떠한 모습에서 우리가 비슷한 사람들에게서 배워야 하냐 라는 식의 예시가 더 좋을 거 같습니다.
On top of that, emulating a person who is in the similar level is much easier than with a person in a different level. People in different levels have a plethora of different environmental factors between them. When someone is about to learn something from others the process of copying one's behaviors is needed, and it would become easy if the person is in a similar level. There was a poll conducted by Korean Statistics Office to figure out the consensus view of people whether people in a similar level or in a higher level worth following. An overwhelming 77% of people ranked people in about the same level over people in higher levels as they considered actions taken by people in a different level would be difficult to copy. This poll has surely proven that it is more useful for people to learn from people in the same level.
To sum up, learning from other people who are in the identical level let people get lessons by comparing personal traits and also let them easily follow their behaviors which worth learning. In this regard, I firmly believe that it is better to earn lessons from people in the similar level. Good: 24~30 점수: 24 일단 두 번째 바디가 아주 매끄럽게 서술되었습니다. 특히 이유에서 바로 survey 예시로 돌아가는 것이 논리적으로 서술되었습니다. 하지만 문제가 되는 부분은 첫 번째 바디입니다. 첫 번째 바디의 예시를 좀 더 이유와 관련된 예시를 드는것이 좋을 거 같습니다. 예시를 통해서 왜 사랍들이 같은 레벨에 있는 사람들에게서 배울 수 있는지를 알 수 있기 때문에 연관성이 있는 예시를 서술해주시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |