▶ Your Answer : There might be some people who believe that it is better to buy domestic products rather than foreign ones regardless of cost. However, in my opinion, there is nothing better to buy what you want to get not considering whether it is made from here or not where the product was made does not matter as long as you want to get it. There are two reasonable reasons for this. First, regardless of where it is made countries, buying some products stimulates competitiveness between manufacturers. Second, consumers have the right to get some products in with reasonable prices. To begin with, it (토픽 센텐스에서 대명사를 쓰지 않습니다) can induces races between companies for you to purchase what you want regardless of countries (해석이 어려운 어색한 문장입니다). User's (어색한 표현입니다, consumers 등으로 대체해주세요)decisions about purchasing (정확한 의미 파악이 어렵습니다) affect producer's willpower to make high quality and low cost (원가 의미에 더 가깝습니다) products. For example, Korean people used to utilize mobilephones without sim cards before. And it have There was only a limited a variety number of choices about cellphones. Because it is not easy to use other phones, without visiting mobile service provider, except the phone what they used (해석이 어려운 어색한 문장입니다). However But, nowadays, sim free policy (이 정책에 대한 설명이 더 필요합니다) has made Korean people use other ones easily. It stimulates introduction of foreign countries' ones mobile phones and competition which increases the quality of products while lowering the prices. competitiveness for qualities and prices among companies. On top of that, consumers have the right to buy what they want in various ways. a variety of choice allows people to make use of advantages of several options (어색한 표현입니다) of some products they want to buy. According to a survey conducted by the Institute of Consumer Trend, 76 percent people responded that they have at least one product made in a foreign country. This is was because they found products that are different from domestic ones attractive they need that products which have the characteristics different from domestic products. And they believe it is confining their choices only to buy domestic products. To sum up, to buy buying foreign products can be stimuls stimulate for competitiveness competition among manufacturers, and users have the right to choose many options of some products. In this regard, I firmly believe it is better choice to purchase some products that you want regardless of nationality. (제품 관련 내용에서는 어색합니다)
Score: 12 Comments: - 전체적으로 구조가 잘 잡혀있습니다.
- 제시하신 포인트가 많이 아쉽습니다. 질문은 가격을 떠나서 국내 제품을 사는 것이 해외 제품을 사는 것 보다 더 좋은지를 물어보고 있습니다. 이에 맞게 에세이를 써주세요. - And, But, So로 문장을 시작하지 말아주세요. - 문법 실수들이 있습니다. - 어색한 표현들이 있습니다. |