▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that parents should not avoid letting them children watch television in order to encourage children to study. However, in my
opinion, I strongly disagree with this statement following two reasons. First,
watching television can be cause of wasting their time. Second, watching television
can make children difficult to concentrate.
First, children can waste their valuable time to study if they watch television. It
is obvious that watching television is quiet interesting activity to children. But
if we do not restrict them to watch television, they could can not control to stop from stop
watching. As a result, children can fully spend their time to watch television
rather than to do meaningful activities. For example, when I was an elementary
student, I used to watch television all day. This is because television showed
me a variety of world. However, the problem was that I did nothing during my
vacation because of watching television even though I had an important assignment. So
after starting my semester, I got a bad grade of my assignment. Therefore, I
was regret about regretted my behavior during the vacation.
Second, watching television makes children to focus on their
studies with difficulty. One of the research shows that parents have started when parents start to
get rid of television from their home in order to increase the concentration of
their children and this action actually works such behavior works efficiently. For example, one of my cousins
had a difficulty in reading a book. Because he really liked to watch television
and it made him hard to concentrate something as he really liked to watch television which made him hard to concentrate when doing something. So his parents decided to
relocate a television from living room to small room. And they made a good
environment to read books in living room. After changing the location of
television, cousin started to read books rather than watched a television. As a
result, he could get a good grade in his next test.
To sum up, avoiding children to watch television is
good for preventing the waste of their time and enhancing their concentration. In
this regard, I personally disagree that parents should not avoid letting them
watch television in order to encourage children to study. Fair: 17~23 점수: 21 먼저 전체적으로는 논리있게 잘 서술 하였습니다. 에세이를 읽고 난 후 왜 부모들이 아이들에게 티비를 보여주면 안되는 지를 보인의 이유를 보고 이해할 수 있게 되었습니다. 다만 아쉬운 점들이 여러개 가 있습니다. 그것은 뭐냐면 위에 첨삭한 것을 보앗듯이 문법적 오류들이 많습니다. 특징적으로 문법적인 오류보다는 어법상 말이 이상 한 부분들이 있어서 제가 고쳤습니다. 보고 참고하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셧습니다. |