▶ Your Answer :
There is no doubt that a library has numerous benefits.
It enables us to get amounts of knowledge, to rest, to study and so on rest and study. It is
difficult to list all the benefits of the library. In spite of these facts, it
has limitations in helping students to graduate without a big problem. So,
where should we find out a solution to help students adapt well to school life?
In my opinion exercise activities sports activities (이 에세이의 주제는 sports activities 입니다) are the answer.
Sports make us feel refreshed. Most students get
stressed out from lots of situations. For example, they have trouble with
friends and professors. The reason may be because they do not agree with each
other, or they may just hate them. Also, they might find their studies
difficult. The reason because their major may not suit their aptitude, or the
exam period could put a strain on them. Whatever the reason, college students
can get a lot of pressure under these conditions. In order to escape from these
stressful situations, we should be allowed to enjoy sports allow students to enjoy sports. If we can get out
of the classroom and play sports, we can have a good time with our friends not
minding about the problems that we have. We do not have to worry about bad
things that happened at school.
However, sometimes it requires a lot of money to
play sports, we cannot enjoy sports freely as we want. In my experience, I love
skiing but I cannot participate it often. As I mentioned above, it takes much money. We
need money to rent skis, to buy the ticket, to have a meal, and to choose
accommodation. If we want to go skiing or snowboarding, we will need
almost 200 dollars a day. This is a huge burden for students. Therefore, I have
not been to a ski slope for a long time. But if universities offered students
as similar money as they give to their libraries, students can have a reviving
time without big burden. 일단 접근 부터가 문제가 되는 거 같습니다. 두 번째 바디 첫 부분을 however로 시작 하면 안됩니다. 좀더 Furthermore investing in sports activities allows students to enjoy sports that need a lot of money to participate로 풀어나가시는 게 더 좋을 거 같습니다. 따라서 뒤 예시나 이유는 좋았는 데 이러한 부분이 문제가 되는 거 같습니다.
In conclusion, universities
must give almost similar amount money to their students' extracurricular
activities as they give to their hall of knowledge. When it happens, students
can get away from school and cure their tired minds. As a result, schools
can give more than just the positive impact that libraries have on students. In
short, supporting students' exercise activities is not a useless thing. Rather,
by increasing the welfare of students, it can help students adjust to school
life. Fair: 17~23 점수: 21 일단 첫 번째 부분은 아주 논리적으로 매끄럽게 서술하였습니다. 특히 학교가 스포츠에 투자를 더 많이 하게되면 전체적으로 학생들이 스트레쓰를 풀 수 있게 된다는 부분이 아주 좋았던 거 같습니다. 하지만 이와 반대로 두 번째 바디는 처음 부터 접근 하는 것에 있어서 문제가 있습니다. 제가 첨삭한 것을 보시고 확인하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |