▶ Your Answer : Some people might say that parents or other adult relatives must make important decisions for their older teenager because they have more experience than their child. However, in my opinion, i strongly believe that the method that parents should make important decisions for their child can be a disturbance to their child future following two subsequent reasons.
To begin with, the child raised with the depending on their parents on important decisions can not be a leader of their life dependent child can not become a leader of his or her life. Some people argue that if the child chooses their his or her decisions without any help from the parents, they can easily lead to fiasco. But, actually, older teenager is not a young age. They can be more mature through the ordeal as the result of their choice. And there are lots of possibilities that this experience can cause positive synergy effects to the child. There was a survey conducted by a group of the Ministry of education in Korea, with 200 older teenagers as respondents. The purpose of the study was to figure out how much dependence on their parents affects their child's future. There were two groups monitored. The first group consisted of the child who tends to behave without any help. The second group was not. They tracked two group for 20 years. What they found was extremely intriguing. The people in the first group was living in the better condition in terms of monetary issues or family life or even in the healthy. 그래서 마무리를 통해서 하고자 하는 말이 무엇인가요? 좀 더 구체적으로 설명이 필요해 보입니다
On top of that, there are significant possibilities that the advice from their parents to their child is to be useless. By dint of the drastic development, there is a big generation gap between them. So, the good decision from the past can become the absurd ones from the today. Since parents can not catch up with this trend of development, it is difficult for their most advice about the important issues to their child to be helpful. I'll take my personal experience as an example to clarify what i mean. When i was in high school, there was a controversy between my parents and me because of the what academic institution i am going to. My parents recommended the speed reading academy and i wanted to go to the computer academy. In conclusion, in the long run, my decision is much better than the parent's ones.
Taking hindering the child's future and lots of generation gap into consideration, I strongly argue my statement.
Fair: 17~23 점수: 23 일단 전반적으로 설명이 좀 더 구체적으로 필요해 보이는 부분들이 많이 보입니다. 독립형 에세이에서 가장 중요한 부분은 에세이가 얼마나 설득력이 있나 인데. 지금 이 에세이 같은경우는 몇몇 문장들이 의문을 들게 하는 부분들이 있습니다. 따라서 좀 더 구체적으로 에세이를 서술하시는 것 이 좋은 점수를 받는데에 있어 더 중요한 역활을 가져다 줄 거 같습니다. 이 부분을 숙지하면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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