▶ Your Answer :
One of the most intriguing issues for parents is how to raise their kids wisely. Some people think that focusing on their children's schoolwork will give them good impacts, however, in my opinion, parents should devote more time to playing games or sports with their children because it will help kids to build social networking skills and good relationship between parents and their children for the following two subsequent reasons. .
First of all, spending a lot of time doing leisure with their children let them enhance communication skills. Children should share their ideas when they play games and they should incorporate with their parents, which leads kids to learn how to communicate with others well. For instance, my 8-year-old nephew whose name is Jimin was very inactive and timid kid when my brother only care about his schoolwork. However, when my brother try to hang out with Jimin and spent a lot of time having fun, he gradually changed to extrovert person and his social networking skill was strengthen.
Second, devoting more time to having fun with kids build builds strong affection between parents and children. To be specific, playing games and sports lessen stress that children got through schoolwork and make them relax. They can perceive that when they are with their parents they can subtract their stress, which makes children feel great affection from their parents. According to the research conducted by Seoul university, one of the best universities in Korea, shows that children who spent more time relaxing with their parents are more mentally satisfied while kids who spent a lot of time doing schoolwork such as homework with their parents are more likely to feel anxious when they are with their parents.
To sum up, playing games and sports with parents help children to have strong communication skills and mental satisfaction. In this regard, I strongly believe that parents should hang out with their children rather than spend time doing assignment.
Good: 24~30 점수: 28 정말 잘 서술된 독립형 에세이입니다. 이 에세이에서의 가장 좋은 점 중에 하나는 논리적입니다. 각 문장들이 끊어진다라는 느낌 없이 매끄럽게 자신의 의견을 잘 전달하는 거 같습니다. 의견을 잘 전달하는 것 이기 때문에 이 에세이가 설득력이 아주 높은 거 같습니다. 특히 주제에 대한 연관성을 아주 객관적으로 잘 표현 하고 있는 거 같습니다. 잘 서술하였습니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |