■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer |
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▶ Topic : 대학교에서 history course가 필수과목으로 지정되어야 한다. |
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▶ Your Answer :
Some people might
claim that taking history course should not be required. However, in my
opinion, this perspective is not true for two following reasons which I am
going to elaborate.
To begin with, taking history courses
enables students to gain their information of the past. In detail, people attain
wider knowledge and broader perspective through the courses, which are
qualities of a successful person. People will always learn from their country’s
history, even if it seems useless or difficult. Take Winston Churchill, for
instance. He was a globally recognized British politician, army officer, and
writer. Considered as the greatest politician in history, Churchill repeatedly
stated that a nation that forgets its past has no future in his speeches. Such
comment sounds highly convincing since he is a well-known successful
politician. (appeal to popularity입니다. 객관적이여할 필요가 보입니다.) I believe mandatory history courses will allow people to acquire
knowledge from the past.
On
top of that, the majority of the students assert that it is essential that all
students know about history. To be specific, they already realized the importance
of history so that they claim history classes should be required. For example,
according to the survey conducted by UCLA’s research department, 79 percent of
the participants who are in universities answered that they are in favor of the
idea that the government should make a history course as a requirement as soon as
possible. Further, their opinions were supported with logical reasons similar
to those of mine. In addition, optional history courses can lead students to
ignorance of their country. Therefore, it should become a required course.
On
the whole, I believe I have accurately demonstrated my point of view on this
matter with two concrete reasons and evidence stated above. In this regard, I strongly
support the idea that pushing ahead with this idea. |
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점수: 23/30
1. 첫 번째 문단에서 어떻게 과거에서 정보를 얻는지를 mention해주셔야 할 것 같습니다. (Ex. 한국인들은 필수적 역사 교육을 통해서 일본과의 관계, 일제강점기와 같은 아픈 역사를 배움 등) 윈스턴 처칠에 대한 칭찬은 logical해보이지 않습니다.
2. 두 번째 example 역시 군중에 호소하는 오류를 범하고 있습니다. 좀 더 구체적인 예를 제시할 필요가 있어 보입니다.
그냥 단순히 많은 학생들이 그렇다고 생각하기 때문에 그래야만 한다. 는 논리적인 말이 되지 못합니다.
3. intro와 콩클루젼의 분량을 3문장 이상으로 늘려주세요.
4. 콩클루젼의 마지막 문장은 문법적으로 완전히 틀린 문장이라 뺐습니다.
수고하셨습니다. *^^*