▶ Your Answer : It
is debatable whether parents should set strict rules for their children if they
want them to succeed in life. This is an intriguing question because opinions
concerning this issue can be different relying depending on individual perspectives. In my
opinion, however I support that strict rules are not necessary for children to
obtain success for the following reasons.
First
of all, rigid rules should be not used to discipline children because they
lead to added stress levels add more stress levels. To be specific, having strict rules accompanies a
stressful process, which hinder children from building a quality life. Stress
is the main cause of disease and dissatisfying life. Therefore, parents in
modern society should try not to stress their children. For example, when I was
younger my parents set strict rules such as studying for 5 hours everyday. If I
did not study, I had to study more than 8 hours in the next day and this rule
made me so stressful. Because of this rule, I hate study more and more studying (동사가 두 개 입니다). Through
this experience, I realized that rigid rules make children stress and remove children’s
interesting. Hence, this shows that parents should not use rigid rules in order
to lead a successful life.
In
addition, praise, not strict rules, lead children to live a successful life. To
be specific, praise allows children to right behavior. The more praise child
gets, the more he tries to repeat his right behavior in order to get the
accolade, and right behavior make child successful. For example, a recent
research addressed the importance of praise. According to the research, 70% of
the respondents claimed that they are living a successful life. In fact, vast
majority of the respondents stated that they glow grow up with compliments instead of
strict parent’s rules. Thus, it is legitimate to say that strict rules
are not necessary for children to obtain success.
In conclusion, I firmly believe that
rigid rules are not necessary for children to obtain success. All things considered,
it is my belief that my argument regarding this topic has been effectively and precisely
delivered with the reasons mentioned above.
점수: 26 약간의 어색한 표현들이 존재하고 있는 독립형 에세이입니다. 이러한 표현들은 에세이 플로우를 방해합니다. 따라서 제가 지적한 부분을 숙지하면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 이러한 부분을 재외하고는 전반적으로 자신의 주장이 잘 나타나는 독립형 에세이입니다. 잘 서술하였습니다. 수고많으셧습니다. |